How do childhood vows, hidden subconscious beliefs, and generational trauma shape the way we parent? In this episode, host Ida Fanelli sits down with transformational speaker, award-winning author, and coach Kathi Sohn to explore breaking generational cycles and building emotional connection in families.
Drawing on her 36-year background in high-stakes federal government strategic environments and her deep studies in conflict resolution, Kathi shares how parents—especially mothers of teenagers—can step out of survival-mode reactivity and cultivate true emotional safety. Learn how to identify early childhood vows (like "I will hide" or "It’s all my fault"), move past physical chronic tension, and shift family dynamics from rigid compliance to authentic relationship building.
Key Highlights & Timestamps
Introduction to Kathi Sohn & Breaking Generational Trauma
Strategic Leadership to Personal Healing: Kathi’s 36-Year Federal Career
The Body Memory Process: Uncovering Early Childhood Vows
How Somatic Trauma Manifests as Physical Tension & Survival Reactivity
Parenting Teenagers: Shifting from Control to Connection & Emotional Autonomy
Practical Tools for Updating Your Subconscious "Operating System"
Free Resources & Links
Claim Your Free Book Chapter & Trigger Trainer Toolkit: kathisohn.com
Learn More About Kathi’s Methodology: Visit Cycle Breaker Pathways & Body Memory Process, LLC
Connect with Host Ida Fanelli: Link in Bio
Disclaimer: This interview focuses strictly on personal journeys, emotional wellness, and generational healing. Content is provided for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any medical or psychological condition.
#GenerationalTrauma #EmotionalWellness #ParentingTeenagers #SomaticHealing #SubconsciousMind #SelfCare #MindsetShift #FamilyDynamics #CycleBreaker #PersonalGrowth
00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 Welcome to Where Science Meets Self-Care with
00:00:03 --> 00:00:06 Ida Fanelli. With over 30 years in beauty and
00:00:06 --> 00:00:09 wellness and a background in medical science,
00:00:09 --> 00:00:12 Ida blends clinical knowledge with holistic care.
00:00:13 --> 00:00:16 Each week, she and her guests share insights
00:00:16 --> 00:00:19 to help you achieve healthier skin, balanced
00:00:19 --> 00:00:23 energy, and empowered self -care. Now, here's
00:00:23 --> 00:00:33 your host, Ida Fanelli. Kathy Sohn is an award
00:00:33 --> 00:00:36 -winning author, transformational speaker, and
00:00:36 --> 00:00:39 coach dedicated to helping individuals, particularly
00:00:39 --> 00:00:42 mothers of teenagers, break free from generational
00:00:42 --> 00:00:45 trauma and dismantle the hidden subconscious
00:00:45 --> 00:00:49 beliefs shaping their lives. As the CEO of both
00:00:49 --> 00:00:54 Body Memory Process LLC and Cycle Breakers Pathway,
00:00:54 --> 00:00:57 Kathy's professional evolution stands as a profound
00:00:57 --> 00:01:01 testament to personal resilience. For 36 years,
00:01:01 --> 00:01:05 Kathy navigated high -pressure, high -stakes
00:01:05 --> 00:01:08 environments within the U .S. federal government,
00:01:08 --> 00:01:12 serving inside the Department of Defense. Highly
00:01:12 --> 00:01:14 accomplished in her field, she graduated from
00:01:14 --> 00:01:18 the U .S. Naval War College with a master's degree
00:01:18 --> 00:01:21 in national security policy studies, earning
00:01:21 --> 00:01:25 the prestigious McGinnis Family Award for outstanding
00:01:25 --> 00:01:28 performance. She also holds a master's degree
00:01:28 --> 00:01:31 in conflict analysis and resolution from George
00:01:31 --> 00:01:37 Mason's University. In late 2019, a profound
00:01:37 --> 00:01:40 tragedy permanently altered the trajectory of
00:01:40 --> 00:01:44 her life when her beloved husband, David William
00:01:44 --> 00:01:48 Soane, passed away, stepping away from her government
00:01:48 --> 00:01:51 career. Kathy embraced the responsibility of
00:01:51 --> 00:01:54 raising their children Benjamin and Sarah while
00:01:54 --> 00:01:57 stepping directly into her late husband's life
00:01:57 --> 00:02:01 work. David had pioneered the body memory process,
00:02:02 --> 00:02:06 a holistic methodology exploring how early childhood
00:02:06 --> 00:02:09 trauma and subconscious childhood vows manifest
00:02:09 --> 00:02:14 as physical chronic tension and behavioral limitations
00:02:14 --> 00:02:18 in adult life. building upon his research kathy
00:02:18 --> 00:02:22 authored the groundbreaking book you made it
00:02:22 --> 00:02:25 up now stop believing it and established the
00:02:25 --> 00:02:28 mentorship framework break the cycle build a
00:02:28 --> 00:02:31 new legacy trademark to help parents shift from
00:02:31 --> 00:02:34 survival mode reactivity into emotional safety
00:02:34 --> 00:02:38 and deep connection her profound empathy for
00:02:38 --> 00:02:42 this work is deeply rooted in her own extraordinary
00:02:42 --> 00:02:46 life story Born as an orphan at just under two
00:02:46 --> 00:02:49 pounds, following a failed abortion attempt,
00:02:50 --> 00:02:54 Kathy survived an isolated incubator environment
00:02:54 --> 00:02:59 entirely devoid of physical touch. Remarkably,
00:02:59 --> 00:03:02 she did not discover she was adopted until the
00:03:02 --> 00:03:07 age of 34. Now I'm happy to introduce Kathy Sohn.
00:03:07 --> 00:03:11 Welcome, Kathy. Thank you, Ida. So wonderful
00:03:11 --> 00:03:13 to be here with you today. Yeah, I'm excited
00:03:13 --> 00:03:17 to talk to you. You dedicated over three decades
00:03:17 --> 00:03:20 to a highly successful career within the U .S.
00:03:20 --> 00:03:23 Department of Defense and earned master's degrees
00:03:23 --> 00:03:25 in national security and conflict resolution.
00:03:26 --> 00:03:30 How did navigating those highly clinical, strategic
00:03:30 --> 00:03:33 and high pressure government environments prepare
00:03:33 --> 00:03:37 you for or contrast with the intuitive energetic
00:03:37 --> 00:03:42 space of the body memory process? Well, I would
00:03:42 --> 00:03:46 say that my government work really prepared me
00:03:46 --> 00:03:52 across the board as a single mom building a business.
00:03:52 --> 00:03:56 I'd like to just first address that bigger container
00:03:56 --> 00:04:00 of my life. I think that from the beginning,
00:04:00 --> 00:04:04 you had mentioned at the beginning about my difficulty
00:04:04 --> 00:04:11 coming into this world. And I have done a lot
00:04:11 --> 00:04:12 of healing work around that. And I think that
00:04:12 --> 00:04:17 it's just ultimately made me as strong as I am.
00:04:18 --> 00:04:25 And as far as the transition from doing that
00:04:25 --> 00:04:27 kind of work, you know, it is a big difference.
00:04:28 --> 00:04:32 But I had been married to David for 25 years
00:04:32 --> 00:04:35 while I was doing that work and then also apprenticing
00:04:35 --> 00:04:40 with him. And so it wasn't. it was a smoother
00:04:40 --> 00:04:43 transition as you might think because I had been
00:04:43 --> 00:04:47 really kind of living in both worlds. When I
00:04:47 --> 00:04:50 met David he was just starting to write his own
00:04:50 --> 00:04:56 book on the work and I would come home from work
00:04:56 --> 00:04:58 and do a bunch of editing, he would tell people
00:04:58 --> 00:05:01 that, yeah, I wrote all day long. And then Kathy
00:05:01 --> 00:05:05 would come home and then work on it and hand
00:05:05 --> 00:05:06 me back a paper with a whole bunch of red on
00:05:06 --> 00:05:08 it. And I'd have to feel like it's kind of start
00:05:08 --> 00:05:12 over. But we worked really well as a team that
00:05:12 --> 00:05:16 way with this book. So, yeah, it wasn't really
00:05:16 --> 00:05:21 a big stark contrast for me. Yeah, because you
00:05:21 --> 00:05:23 learn from each other, right? Yes, absolutely.
00:05:24 --> 00:05:28 Your background includes high -level national
00:05:28 --> 00:05:31 security studies and decades in the Department
00:05:31 --> 00:05:34 of Defense, environments traditionally rooted
00:05:34 --> 00:05:38 in rigid logic, data, and strategy. How do you
00:05:38 --> 00:05:40 leverage your analytical background to bridge
00:05:40 --> 00:05:44 the gap for highly skeptical clients who struggle
00:05:44 --> 00:05:47 to embrace the more energetic or intuitive concepts
00:05:47 --> 00:05:53 of somatic healing? Well, I have found that The
00:05:53 --> 00:05:57 women who I work with tend to not be skeptical.
00:05:57 --> 00:05:59 I know there are a lot of people out there who
00:05:59 --> 00:06:04 are, but there's actually a lot of science behind
00:06:04 --> 00:06:08 the work that David put together. For example,
00:06:08 --> 00:06:11 the work of Dr. Candice Pert, who wrote Molecules
00:06:11 --> 00:06:14 of Emotion, was the first scientist to really
00:06:14 --> 00:06:18 prove the mind -body connection because she was...
00:06:19 --> 00:06:21 I think it was the late 80s, and she was working
00:06:21 --> 00:06:23 for the National Institute for Mental Health.
00:06:24 --> 00:06:27 She was looking for the opiate receptor in the
00:06:27 --> 00:06:29 body. Well, they found it, and they also found
00:06:29 --> 00:06:33 a lot more when they discovered that there are
00:06:33 --> 00:06:37 receptors everywhere in the body and that neurotransmitters
00:06:37 --> 00:06:40 will travel to these receptors in the body during
00:06:40 --> 00:06:46 highly emotional events. And so truly, it becomes
00:06:46 --> 00:06:50 a somatic phenomenon. Dr. Peirce quoted as saying
00:06:50 --> 00:06:57 that deep trauma is rooted in the body and that
00:06:57 --> 00:07:01 our body is our subconscious mind. Another piece
00:07:01 --> 00:07:04 of science that's behind the work that David
00:07:04 --> 00:07:07 pulled together as the body memory process is
00:07:07 --> 00:07:10 that of a couple of doctors, again, back in the
00:07:10 --> 00:07:15 80s, Dr. David Chamberlain. and Dr. Thomas Verney,
00:07:15 --> 00:07:18 who were studying the creative consciousness
00:07:18 --> 00:07:22 of babies in the womb and the impact of birth
00:07:22 --> 00:07:26 trauma. And so what they were highlighting was,
00:07:26 --> 00:07:29 again, on that biochemical level, that there
00:07:29 --> 00:07:34 is a connection between mom in the baby more
00:07:34 --> 00:07:36 than they ever realized. If you think back to
00:07:36 --> 00:07:39 that time period, birth practices reflected the
00:07:39 --> 00:07:41 fact that they didn't even think that babies
00:07:41 --> 00:07:47 could feel pain. They were looking at the development
00:07:47 --> 00:07:50 of the brain and they were not really looking
00:07:50 --> 00:07:56 at the connection that's on that more biochemical
00:07:56 --> 00:07:59 and of course the energetic, the connection between
00:08:00 --> 00:08:04 the child and mom. And then when they started
00:08:04 --> 00:08:09 realizing it through their research, then everything
00:08:09 --> 00:08:11 changed. A lot of the birthing practices changed.
00:08:12 --> 00:08:16 And then there's Dr. Bruce Lipton. He wrote Biology
00:08:16 --> 00:08:20 of Belief. And he talks a lot about those first
00:08:20 --> 00:08:23 seven years of life and how formative they are.
00:08:24 --> 00:08:26 So a lot of people who come to me come to me
00:08:26 --> 00:08:30 after hearing me talk on stage or on a podcast
00:08:30 --> 00:08:33 or they read my book where I bring all of this
00:08:33 --> 00:08:37 science in. Well, that's definitely important
00:08:37 --> 00:08:42 is the science, right? Yes, yes. It's not everything,
00:08:42 --> 00:08:45 but yes, it is important. It certainly is important
00:08:45 --> 00:08:48 to grounding everything in what we say is, yes,
00:08:48 --> 00:08:51 this is three -dimensional reality. Yeah, for
00:08:51 --> 00:08:55 sure. In the fields of national security and
00:08:55 --> 00:08:57 conflict resolution, professionals are trained
00:08:57 --> 00:09:01 to identify and isolate the root causes of systemic
00:09:01 --> 00:09:05 instability. Do you find that diagnosing a client's
00:09:05 --> 00:09:08 hidden subconscious childhood vow requires a
00:09:08 --> 00:09:12 similar tactical breakdown as analyzing a complex
00:09:12 --> 00:09:17 geopolitical conflict? I smile at this question
00:09:17 --> 00:09:22 because David and I, uh used to joke that uh
00:09:22 --> 00:09:25 in a two diff two different ways first one is
00:09:25 --> 00:09:28 that he works on the intrapersonal level of conflict
00:09:28 --> 00:09:31 and i work uh this is when i was in conflict
00:09:31 --> 00:09:35 resolution and he was actually driving me after
00:09:35 --> 00:09:37 a long day at work he was driving me all the
00:09:37 --> 00:09:40 way i think it was something like a 40 minute
00:09:40 --> 00:09:42 drive each way to where i was going to grad school
00:09:42 --> 00:09:45 and he said here you are studying interpersonal
00:09:45 --> 00:09:49 conflict and my work is on the intrapersonal
00:09:49 --> 00:09:52 level right because even though people think
00:09:52 --> 00:09:56 that something's about their relationship for
00:09:56 --> 00:09:59 example mom and their teen that when it comes
00:09:59 --> 00:10:02 right down to it it's about what's going on we
00:10:02 --> 00:10:05 live in our bodies, right? We're inside ourselves.
00:10:05 --> 00:10:09 It's always a relationship with ourselves first.
00:10:09 --> 00:10:13 And so it's kind of interesting that I was able
00:10:13 --> 00:10:15 to see those two perspectives. The other thing
00:10:15 --> 00:10:19 that we talked about is how he works on the A
00:10:19 --> 00:10:24 microcosm of conflict. So again, looking at that
00:10:24 --> 00:10:27 individual level. And what I studied and then
00:10:27 --> 00:10:31 even did my thesis work on for my graduate degree
00:10:31 --> 00:10:37 was that macrocosm where the intergenerational
00:10:37 --> 00:10:42 trauma played out as a result of a war trauma
00:10:42 --> 00:10:44 that was going on in the Balkans. So I actually
00:10:44 --> 00:10:49 interviewed... Croats and Serbs through a translator
00:10:49 --> 00:10:54 and had firsthand experience of the rhetoric
00:10:54 --> 00:10:59 and the symbolism that goes on in oral traditions,
00:10:59 --> 00:11:03 especially that hand that trauma down from one
00:11:03 --> 00:11:06 generation to the next. So I started to be able
00:11:06 --> 00:11:10 to see it was like my life was almost like you
00:11:10 --> 00:11:14 would think sort of planned for all of this to
00:11:14 --> 00:11:18 come up, you know, falling into place because
00:11:18 --> 00:11:21 I absolutely could see what the work that David
00:11:21 --> 00:11:24 was doing and that I was also helping with and
00:11:24 --> 00:11:26 apprenticing with all those years while I was
00:11:26 --> 00:11:28 working for the government and getting my graduate
00:11:28 --> 00:11:32 degree, that it's all part of one big thing.
00:11:32 --> 00:11:35 And I would see things in terms of concentric
00:11:35 --> 00:11:39 circles of conflict. And it also brings me to
00:11:39 --> 00:11:42 say at the end of, for example, a webinar with
00:11:42 --> 00:11:46 people, I always bring it down to... When I'm
00:11:46 --> 00:11:49 talking to moms, the power you have in your family
00:11:49 --> 00:11:54 to stop intergenerational trauma and that what
00:11:54 --> 00:11:58 you're doing literally has an impact on the world
00:11:58 --> 00:12:01 because it all starts at home. It all starts
00:12:01 --> 00:12:04 with the individual. And now we'll take time
00:12:04 --> 00:12:09 for a commercial break. Welcome back. Your connection
00:12:09 --> 00:12:12 to David seems incredibly serendipitous. Before
00:12:12 --> 00:12:15 you ever stepped up to carry his legacy forward,
00:12:16 --> 00:12:20 he helped you heal your own early wounds. What
00:12:20 --> 00:12:22 was it like experiencing the power of the body
00:12:22 --> 00:12:27 memory process firsthand as his partner? Yeah.
00:12:28 --> 00:12:32 Well, before I met David, so ever since I was
00:12:32 --> 00:12:36 a child, I struggled with what I have come to
00:12:38 --> 00:12:42 define as hiding, but specifically hiding my
00:12:42 --> 00:12:47 voice. So whenever it came time to stand up in
00:12:47 --> 00:12:51 front of the class, or just even from my desk,
00:12:51 --> 00:12:53 right? Hi, you know, this is, you know, saying
00:12:53 --> 00:12:56 my name, what's my favorite amp? You know, it
00:12:56 --> 00:12:59 didn't matter how simple it was. I would get
00:12:59 --> 00:13:03 so nervous. And I know a lot of people have that,
00:13:03 --> 00:13:09 but It was really extreme with me, and it kept
00:13:09 --> 00:13:12 playing out in my life, and it got to be more
00:13:12 --> 00:13:15 and more of an issue when I was at work and I
00:13:15 --> 00:13:17 became a manager and I needed to speak to bigger
00:13:17 --> 00:13:22 and bigger groups, that it was important that
00:13:22 --> 00:13:24 I get to the root cause of what was going on
00:13:24 --> 00:13:28 with all of that angst. And so at that point,
00:13:28 --> 00:13:31 David was in my life, and I started really taking
00:13:31 --> 00:13:36 a look. at what all that was and what it was
00:13:36 --> 00:13:39 related to and you mentioned this at the beginning
00:13:39 --> 00:13:42 was my very difficult beginning in life that
00:13:42 --> 00:13:47 uh the the specifically that i was in an incubator
00:13:47 --> 00:13:50 and that i was and here's the here's the piece
00:13:50 --> 00:13:54 that i was critically watched by the medical
00:13:54 --> 00:13:58 team and that back in 1961 which is i'm giving
00:13:58 --> 00:14:03 away my age but back way back then They really
00:14:03 --> 00:14:06 didn't expect me to make it. They just wasn't.
00:14:06 --> 00:14:09 I mean, even even today, I mean, being I was
00:14:09 --> 00:14:12 about six months gestation. So right about 24
00:14:12 --> 00:14:17 weeks. And I saw something recently about that
00:14:17 --> 00:14:21 gave even today. That's about a 50 50 chance
00:14:21 --> 00:14:27 of living. So here I am. When I'm in front of
00:14:27 --> 00:14:30 a group, when I feel, again, subconsciously,
00:14:30 --> 00:14:32 because this is all happening on a subconscious
00:14:32 --> 00:14:37 level that I'm being critically watched, I have
00:14:37 --> 00:14:40 this subconscious belief that they're expecting
00:14:40 --> 00:14:43 me to fail. Now, back when I was in the incubator,
00:14:43 --> 00:14:49 I perceived, again, on this energetic level that
00:14:49 --> 00:14:53 they expected me to fail. to not make it, expected
00:14:53 --> 00:14:57 me to actually to die. And so what I decided
00:14:57 --> 00:14:59 was they watched me to see when I'm going to
00:14:59 --> 00:15:01 die, right? They watched me to see when I'm going
00:15:01 --> 00:15:04 to fail. I went into it already on the assumption
00:15:04 --> 00:15:08 that people were expecting me to fail. And so
00:15:08 --> 00:15:11 that's why it became a literally life and death
00:15:11 --> 00:15:13 situation for me when I was standing in front
00:15:13 --> 00:15:18 of a group. And when I was able to get to all
00:15:18 --> 00:15:23 of that, origination of all of this then it i
00:15:23 --> 00:15:26 was able to make sense of it and i was able to
00:15:26 --> 00:15:30 do the work around it and it what didn't happen
00:15:30 --> 00:15:34 overnight but it got a lot of that energetically
00:15:34 --> 00:15:37 i got all those obstacles out of the way so that
00:15:37 --> 00:15:41 over time i could get better and better at using
00:15:41 --> 00:15:45 my voice being now i speak on live stages and
00:15:45 --> 00:15:48 i'm not going to say i don't get nervous But
00:15:48 --> 00:15:51 what I find is that once I am out there, I'm
00:15:51 --> 00:15:55 talking and my focus is on the audience and on
00:15:55 --> 00:15:59 that connection that, you know, I'm totally calm
00:15:59 --> 00:16:02 and I could never do that before. Yeah, well,
00:16:02 --> 00:16:04 you know, you're talking about something very
00:16:04 --> 00:16:06 important. So that's more important than the
00:16:06 --> 00:16:11 fear, right? You know, that's so true. In fact,
00:16:11 --> 00:16:14 that's the very words that David told me at one
00:16:14 --> 00:16:17 point was there's got to be something that's
00:16:17 --> 00:16:20 more important than the fear to pull us through
00:16:20 --> 00:16:25 the fear. Absolutely. Yeah. Stepping into your
00:16:25 --> 00:16:28 late husband's David's life work after his passing
00:16:28 --> 00:16:32 in 2019 was a profound act of love. What was
00:16:32 --> 00:16:36 the most challenging aspect of taking his foundational
00:16:36 --> 00:16:39 research and translating it? into your own distinct
00:16:39 --> 00:16:43 voice, eventually resulting in your award -winning
00:16:43 --> 00:16:46 book, You Made It Up, Now Stop Believing It.
00:16:47 --> 00:16:50 This question really does relate to the previous
00:16:50 --> 00:16:55 one. And something even, not just about my voice,
00:16:55 --> 00:16:58 but the fact that through all of those years,
00:16:59 --> 00:17:02 the 25 years that I was married to David before
00:17:02 --> 00:17:07 he passed, I was in the support role. I was the
00:17:07 --> 00:17:13 wind beneath his wings. And it wasn't just that
00:17:13 --> 00:17:15 you can't just flip the switch and say, okay,
00:17:16 --> 00:17:18 all of a sudden I'm now the face of the work.
00:17:19 --> 00:17:24 It really was a transition. Literally one day
00:17:24 --> 00:17:27 somebody said to me, after they were listening
00:17:27 --> 00:17:30 to me talk about how the difficulty I was having
00:17:30 --> 00:17:32 getting things really off the ground, is they
00:17:32 --> 00:17:37 said, uh you studied with the master the master's
00:17:37 --> 00:17:42 gone now you're the master and that's what did
00:17:42 --> 00:17:44 it for me it looked like within six months i
00:17:44 --> 00:17:47 had my book because i was finally able to just
00:17:47 --> 00:17:50 step into that role and say okay i'm the face
00:17:50 --> 00:17:54 of the of the work now and it wasn't yes i still
00:17:54 --> 00:17:57 honor david all the time i don't think i have
00:17:57 --> 00:18:01 an interview without mentioning him because I
00:18:01 --> 00:18:04 truly am standing on the shoulders of giants,
00:18:04 --> 00:18:08 right, to do this work. But at the same time,
00:18:08 --> 00:18:12 I finally moved into this is my work now. And
00:18:12 --> 00:18:16 I don't do it like he did it. I still have that,
00:18:16 --> 00:18:19 just to make a distinction for your listeners,
00:18:19 --> 00:18:22 the body memory process is a very specific process
00:18:22 --> 00:18:26 for identifying and then releasing those early
00:18:26 --> 00:18:30 life decisions that we make. What I have brought
00:18:30 --> 00:18:33 to the work is Cycle Breaker Pathways, which
00:18:33 --> 00:18:37 is a DBA. It's actually a, you know, it's my
00:18:37 --> 00:18:40 company is Body Memory Process LLC. And then
00:18:40 --> 00:18:43 Cycle Breaker Pathways is my public facing name
00:18:43 --> 00:18:47 because people don't really understand what body
00:18:47 --> 00:18:50 memory is. And so it's important for them to,
00:18:50 --> 00:18:54 for me to meet them where they are. And now I
00:18:54 --> 00:18:56 bring this work. It took a while for me to figure
00:18:56 --> 00:19:00 out, oh, okay. I can't do my work the way David
00:19:00 --> 00:19:03 did, which is travel around the country, largely
00:19:03 --> 00:19:05 before the Internet or in the early years of
00:19:05 --> 00:19:07 the Internet, where his focus was still literally
00:19:07 --> 00:19:11 being in the room with people, traveling to a
00:19:11 --> 00:19:14 city, having people across the country who would
00:19:14 --> 00:19:18 help him to set up this event in another city.
00:19:19 --> 00:19:22 And he would talk for about an hour like we do
00:19:22 --> 00:19:25 on a webinar these days. And then people would
00:19:25 --> 00:19:29 line up. to sign up to work with him. I knew
00:19:29 --> 00:19:30 that I couldn't work that way. I was a single
00:19:30 --> 00:19:33 mom, right? My kids are at home. I can't just
00:19:33 --> 00:19:36 leave town all the time. And so I need to figure
00:19:36 --> 00:19:40 out a way to do this work that leveraged the
00:19:40 --> 00:19:46 internet and allowed me to scale my reach. David
00:19:46 --> 00:19:50 and his time, it was him doing everything other
00:19:50 --> 00:19:54 than some apprentices that he had. But this work
00:19:54 --> 00:19:57 really deserves to really get out there in the
00:19:57 --> 00:20:01 world. And I take this on really as a mission.
00:20:01 --> 00:20:03 It's a personal mission to me, not only because
00:20:03 --> 00:20:08 it's so needed for people who are in pain, but
00:20:08 --> 00:20:12 also because there seems to me to be a gap in
00:20:12 --> 00:20:17 overall understanding. There's an underestimation
00:20:17 --> 00:20:22 of the power of these early life decisions. on
00:20:22 --> 00:20:24 our adult life. And I know that scientists and
00:20:24 --> 00:20:27 people like Dr. Bruce Lipton absolutely understand
00:20:27 --> 00:20:30 it and talk about it, but it's not widely known.
00:20:30 --> 00:20:34 It's not really out there in the public. And
00:20:34 --> 00:20:37 so that's why I really appreciate opportunities
00:20:37 --> 00:20:40 like this, like being on podcasts to really talk
00:20:40 --> 00:20:43 about it and get people to understand that their
00:20:43 --> 00:20:47 past explains them, but it doesn't define them.
00:20:48 --> 00:20:52 Yeah, if you learn to grow out of them. Okay,
00:20:52 --> 00:20:55 discovering at age 34 that you were adopted and
00:20:55 --> 00:20:57 learning about the distressing circumstances
00:20:57 --> 00:21:01 surrounding your premature birth must have been
00:21:01 --> 00:21:04 an earth shattering revelation. Looking back,
00:21:04 --> 00:21:09 how did your childhood vow of I will hide protect
00:21:09 --> 00:21:12 you before you knew the truth? What was the precise
00:21:12 --> 00:21:15 emotional tipping point that allowed you to finally
00:21:15 --> 00:21:17 step out of the shadow and onto the public stage
00:21:17 --> 00:21:23 as a speaker? Yeah. So that first part about
00:21:23 --> 00:21:28 how did that, oh yeah, protect me. I think that
00:21:28 --> 00:21:31 across the board about hiding, I think I always
00:21:31 --> 00:21:35 knew, like our body just knows, like there were
00:21:35 --> 00:21:39 things that did not make sense about my life
00:21:39 --> 00:21:44 that once I knew absolutely made sense. So I
00:21:44 --> 00:21:47 think that the hiding is kind of related to hiding
00:21:47 --> 00:21:54 the truth. It was in this sort of, I'll tell
00:21:54 --> 00:21:57 a quick story of why I didn't know, because it'll
00:21:57 --> 00:21:59 make a lot more sense that way. And also be able
00:21:59 --> 00:22:02 to explain the intergenerational trauma aspect
00:22:02 --> 00:22:09 of it was that my mom and dad adopted all three
00:22:09 --> 00:22:11 of us in the family from different families.
00:22:11 --> 00:22:14 And we had especially traumatic beginnings. And
00:22:14 --> 00:22:17 when we were all seven, we read a book called
00:22:17 --> 00:22:22 The Chosen Baby. from what mom said when this
00:22:22 --> 00:22:25 all came out was that she gave each of us that
00:22:25 --> 00:22:27 book because they thought it would be a way for
00:22:27 --> 00:22:30 a seven -year -old to understand it. And then
00:22:30 --> 00:22:32 she never brought it up again. It was like life
00:22:32 --> 00:22:34 goes on, right? It's like you don't have to keep
00:22:34 --> 00:22:38 rehashing everything. But when I was 13, I said
00:22:38 --> 00:22:40 something that made her realize I didn't know.
00:22:40 --> 00:22:44 Because I said something like it must have been
00:22:44 --> 00:22:47 real. I knew I was premature. Like somehow that
00:22:47 --> 00:22:51 had come out in conversation with mom. And I
00:22:51 --> 00:22:53 said, it must have been real scary for you when
00:22:53 --> 00:22:55 I was born prematurely. And mom was like, oh,
00:22:55 --> 00:22:58 my God, she doesn't know. And so she struggled
00:22:58 --> 00:23:04 for years with how do I bring this up now that
00:23:04 --> 00:23:07 I'm older, right, and in those emotional teenage
00:23:07 --> 00:23:10 years. Well, when it came out in a conversation
00:23:10 --> 00:23:15 with my brother over the phone, I had that same
00:23:15 --> 00:23:17 experience because I struggled for almost two
00:23:17 --> 00:23:20 years with how do I bring it up to mom. that's
00:23:20 --> 00:23:23 the beauty of this really like I experienced
00:23:23 --> 00:23:27 the same thing she did and one day I was out
00:23:27 --> 00:23:30 for a walk I was home visiting my parents and
00:23:30 --> 00:23:34 I got such inspiration that now's the time and
00:23:34 --> 00:23:37 I couldn't wait to get home I sat right down
00:23:37 --> 00:23:40 with my mom and I said I asked her the question
00:23:40 --> 00:23:43 about it Because she had actually told me over
00:23:43 --> 00:23:46 the phone when I was in college that my brother
00:23:46 --> 00:23:49 Gary was adopted. But she didn't tell me anything
00:23:49 --> 00:23:53 else. It was weird. But mom had her own issues
00:23:53 --> 00:23:56 around her using her own voice. And this was
00:23:56 --> 00:23:59 part, I think, of that whole passing it down.
00:24:00 --> 00:24:04 And so she said, yeah, do you want to know the
00:24:04 --> 00:24:06 truth? And I said, yes. And then she told me
00:24:06 --> 00:24:11 the whole thing and how she had struggled with
00:24:11 --> 00:24:14 it. And, of course, you know, I told her that
00:24:14 --> 00:24:15 I totally understood because I had that same
00:24:15 --> 00:24:19 experience. But what it made me realize is that,
00:24:19 --> 00:24:23 you know, we do pass these things down. And there
00:24:23 --> 00:24:25 were other things that she struggled with that
00:24:25 --> 00:24:29 I knew I did. And that was I was already married
00:24:29 --> 00:24:32 to David. And it just within myself, I was like,
00:24:32 --> 00:24:34 this is so important, so important to do this
00:24:34 --> 00:24:37 work, because I'm sure everyone experiences it
00:24:37 --> 00:24:39 their own way. To answer the second part of your
00:24:39 --> 00:24:42 question. the tipping point for when I decided,
00:24:42 --> 00:24:45 you know, I told you that I had done that basic
00:24:45 --> 00:24:47 work around hiding and I discovered what it was
00:24:47 --> 00:24:51 about. But, you know, we keep peeling away the
00:24:51 --> 00:24:54 layers of the onion in life, right? And so healing
00:24:54 --> 00:24:57 is never completely complete. So I needed to
00:24:57 --> 00:25:01 get to that deeper level in order to step into
00:25:01 --> 00:25:04 the spotlight. I worked my job with the government
00:25:04 --> 00:25:09 for 36 years where I was behind. closed doors,
00:25:09 --> 00:25:13 right? I wasn't out in the public. They had public
00:25:13 --> 00:25:16 relations people for that, right? I did my job,
00:25:17 --> 00:25:21 and some of it was just you don't talk about
00:25:21 --> 00:25:25 it, right? And so that was the nature of my work.
00:25:25 --> 00:25:27 And so my whole life was about keeping secrets
00:25:27 --> 00:25:32 and hiding and working behind the scenes to support
00:25:32 --> 00:25:37 my husband. And so While I had made big progress,
00:25:37 --> 00:25:42 I needed to take that final leap that said, literally,
00:25:42 --> 00:25:46 I can be in front of a camera. I can do a Facebook
00:25:46 --> 00:25:51 Live. I can get on live stages and be okay. And
00:25:51 --> 00:25:56 that's when I went and did the deeper work. And
00:25:56 --> 00:25:59 now we'll take time for a commercial break. Welcome
00:25:59 --> 00:26:04 back. Your work requires a... Deep, rapid understanding
00:26:04 --> 00:26:08 of a client's hidden emotional blocks. Would
00:26:08 --> 00:26:11 you describe your methodology as being guided
00:26:11 --> 00:26:15 by psychic intuition or is it rooted in a specific
00:26:15 --> 00:26:18 deliberate practice of attunement and listening
00:26:18 --> 00:26:25 then into sharing their script? So David did
00:26:25 --> 00:26:30 something that he called listening someone. And
00:26:30 --> 00:26:33 it's different than listening to. in that you
00:26:33 --> 00:26:37 pull all your energy in you make them the most
00:26:37 --> 00:26:39 important person in the world to you at that
00:26:39 --> 00:26:42 moment like all your focus is on them he would
00:26:42 --> 00:26:46 sit down with someone for basically about three
00:26:46 --> 00:26:48 and a half hours and at the end of that time
00:26:48 --> 00:26:50 they would have a list of their childhood vows
00:26:50 --> 00:26:55 because he would start by just letting them talk
00:26:55 --> 00:26:57 you know he would start with some type of a question
00:26:57 --> 00:27:01 that would get them started and he said that
00:27:01 --> 00:27:04 if you If you listen to someone, a lot of times
00:27:04 --> 00:27:07 their bowels would just pop right out in what
00:27:07 --> 00:27:12 they say. It's just we and we don't do that generally.
00:27:12 --> 00:27:15 We don't listen at that level with each other
00:27:15 --> 00:27:20 because understandably, most of the time we're
00:27:20 --> 00:27:22 in some conversation with someone and we're already
00:27:22 --> 00:27:25 thinking about what we want to say next. Right.
00:27:25 --> 00:27:28 Which is important to things continuing to move.
00:27:28 --> 00:27:31 Either we're going to. tell them what our own
00:27:31 --> 00:27:33 experience is with something, and we might disagree
00:27:33 --> 00:27:39 with them about a point, you know, but the difference
00:27:39 --> 00:27:43 is in that very, very deep level of listening,
00:27:43 --> 00:27:47 and this is what I encourage moms to do with
00:27:47 --> 00:27:53 their kids, especially their teens, but really
00:27:53 --> 00:27:57 from very early in life allowing the child to
00:27:57 --> 00:28:00 to be heard right to actually be curious about
00:28:00 --> 00:28:02 what's going on and be willing to listen because
00:28:02 --> 00:28:04 a lot of times parents a lot really willing because
00:28:04 --> 00:28:08 understandably they they want to get all that
00:28:08 --> 00:28:10 good stuff out there in there the things they
00:28:10 --> 00:28:13 want to teach and the rules they want to enforce
00:28:13 --> 00:28:19 but what's actually more important is to listen
00:28:19 --> 00:28:22 to what's going on with the child and it will
00:28:22 --> 00:28:26 inform you Really, of your next steps, it's almost
00:28:26 --> 00:28:28 like a dance. You know, either we want to have
00:28:28 --> 00:28:31 things all choreographed or we're going to dance
00:28:31 --> 00:28:35 with someone. There's going to be a lead and
00:28:35 --> 00:28:38 we're going to follow. And that's the way that
00:28:38 --> 00:28:41 David worked with his clients. And that's really
00:28:41 --> 00:28:44 a very powerful way to interact with anyone.
00:28:47 --> 00:28:50 Surviving a premature birth in an incubator left
00:28:50 --> 00:28:53 you with a physical tendency to put up walls
00:28:53 --> 00:28:56 and avoid touch or support during times of intense
00:28:56 --> 00:29:00 stress. For practitioners or parents working
00:29:00 --> 00:29:03 with children who had similar medicalized low
00:29:03 --> 00:29:06 -touch beginnings, what is the first step to
00:29:06 --> 00:29:08 breaking through that cell -deep survival armor?
00:29:14 --> 00:29:16 trying to break through any kind of armor as
00:29:16 --> 00:29:22 allowing the child to feel safe enough that they
00:29:22 --> 00:29:25 don't need the armor anymore. You know, it's
00:29:25 --> 00:29:30 literally like a, I always think, I have a son
00:29:30 --> 00:29:34 who is on the autism spectrum. And so I'm familiar
00:29:34 --> 00:29:39 with the work of Barry Kaufman and his wife.
00:29:39 --> 00:29:43 They established the Autism Treatment Center
00:29:43 --> 00:29:47 of America based upon what they did with their
00:29:47 --> 00:29:51 own son who had been diagnosed as autistic back
00:29:51 --> 00:29:55 in the 60s. And what they did is they went, they
00:29:55 --> 00:29:57 decided, well, if he won't come out into our
00:29:57 --> 00:30:01 world, maybe we should go into his. And they
00:30:01 --> 00:30:03 literally did that by mimicking what he did.
00:30:04 --> 00:30:08 And it was absolutely amazing the response they
00:30:08 --> 00:30:11 got. And if you think about it, if somebody is
00:30:11 --> 00:30:15 that withdrawn and you get that type of response
00:30:15 --> 00:30:19 by making them feel safe and loved and letting
00:30:19 --> 00:30:23 them take the lead the way they did, that can
00:30:23 --> 00:30:26 inform us really about how to interact with each
00:30:26 --> 00:30:30 other, especially kids who are, you know, have
00:30:30 --> 00:30:34 some sort of trauma. I know there's a lot. I've
00:30:34 --> 00:30:37 worked with foster. families and they have a
00:30:37 --> 00:30:39 lot of kids that have a really high dose of this,
00:30:39 --> 00:30:43 not just the normal childhood trauma that we
00:30:43 --> 00:30:44 don't understand things and we make these decisions,
00:30:45 --> 00:30:49 but literally neglect and sometimes abuse. And
00:30:49 --> 00:30:54 you really do need to primarily provide that
00:30:54 --> 00:30:57 safe, loving environment that allows them to
00:30:57 --> 00:30:59 open up. That's why in relationship, a lot of
00:30:59 --> 00:31:02 times, even couples end up with problems like
00:31:02 --> 00:31:05 newlyweds end up fighting because All of a sudden,
00:31:05 --> 00:31:07 they're together all the time. And when we're
00:31:07 --> 00:31:09 in a safe place, that's when our stuff comes
00:31:09 --> 00:31:12 up. It's just going to come up naturally. And
00:31:12 --> 00:31:16 we can encourage it to come up by always saying,
00:31:16 --> 00:31:18 look, you can talk to me about anything, right?
00:31:18 --> 00:31:22 You're safe. You're loved. That's paramount.
00:31:23 --> 00:31:26 In your mentorship of mothers raising teenagers,
00:31:26 --> 00:31:29 you emphasize that mere compliance does not create
00:31:29 --> 00:31:33 true safety, but rather breeds quiet resentment.
00:31:34 --> 00:31:36 When a mother is triggered by a teen's defiant
00:31:36 --> 00:31:39 tone because it activates her home childhood
00:31:39 --> 00:31:43 wounds, how can she internally separate past
00:31:43 --> 00:31:47 trauma from present parenting in that split second
00:31:47 --> 00:31:52 before reacting? So react starts with R, but
00:31:52 --> 00:31:56 there are four other R's that I teach. And that
00:31:56 --> 00:32:02 is first to. Again, what moms need to remember
00:32:02 --> 00:32:07 is that you can't change someone else. The place
00:32:07 --> 00:32:10 of power that you're in is being in the present
00:32:10 --> 00:32:14 moment and the first R is to recognize what's
00:32:14 --> 00:32:17 going on with me. And so I teach them to become
00:32:17 --> 00:32:20 aware of their body more. And we traditionally
00:32:20 --> 00:32:24 aren't aware of our body. We tend to just ignore
00:32:24 --> 00:32:27 our signals. It's just sort of ingrained in the
00:32:27 --> 00:32:29 way we live our lives these days. And in the
00:32:29 --> 00:32:33 book, I talk about it, how we need to really
00:32:33 --> 00:32:35 get back in tune with our body. But when a mom
00:32:35 --> 00:32:37 starts to recognize that I'm starting to feel
00:32:37 --> 00:32:41 that feeling, I'm getting, wherever it is, in
00:32:41 --> 00:32:44 her chest, in her gut, like whatever, I'm starting
00:32:44 --> 00:32:47 to feel that tension. I'm getting ready to explode
00:32:47 --> 00:32:51 to just allow that recognition. And then the
00:32:51 --> 00:32:53 next thing you do is to regulate herself. That's
00:32:53 --> 00:32:57 the second R. that more important in that moment,
00:32:57 --> 00:32:59 rather than whatever's happening with the teen,
00:32:59 --> 00:33:02 dealing with any of that is for her to deal with
00:33:02 --> 00:33:06 herself. And even if that means, look, I just
00:33:06 --> 00:33:08 need some moment. I want to continue this in
00:33:08 --> 00:33:12 a few moments. I'm going to, even if she has
00:33:12 --> 00:33:16 to leave the room to regulate, that's okay. And
00:33:16 --> 00:33:18 there's lots of ways to do that, right? Through
00:33:18 --> 00:33:23 EFT. or breathing exercises and yoga and lots
00:33:23 --> 00:33:26 of different ways to regulate. The third R is
00:33:26 --> 00:33:30 to reorient, to realize that this is not about
00:33:30 --> 00:33:32 the present moment, right? I'm being triggered.
00:33:32 --> 00:33:36 There's something that is coming up for me through
00:33:36 --> 00:33:41 this situation. Very common is getting back to
00:33:43 --> 00:33:45 not being listened to, parents being very quick
00:33:45 --> 00:33:49 to say, go to your room, or just to move on without
00:33:49 --> 00:33:52 asking what's going on. A lot of kids end up
00:33:52 --> 00:33:56 with a nobody cares what I have to say or nobody
00:33:56 --> 00:34:01 listens to me vow. And it's very common for that
00:34:01 --> 00:34:03 to be a trigger when your teen's rolling their
00:34:03 --> 00:34:07 eyes or you've lost eye contact, right, or they're
00:34:07 --> 00:34:11 just talking back and not listening. And so you
00:34:11 --> 00:34:14 need to reorient to this is the present. This
00:34:14 --> 00:34:19 isn't about what happened before, right, for
00:34:19 --> 00:34:22 me. And then to respond, even if it's a baby
00:34:22 --> 00:34:26 step, even if it's by the next thing that you
00:34:26 --> 00:34:30 say is, well, you know, what was going on there
00:34:30 --> 00:34:33 was really affecting me. What's going on for
00:34:33 --> 00:34:36 you? Real powerful. Like they don't even expect
00:34:36 --> 00:34:39 it most of the time. When you're talking to your
00:34:39 --> 00:34:40 team, especially if there's a breakdown, they're
00:34:40 --> 00:34:42 expecting you to just come at them some more
00:34:42 --> 00:34:44 about what's going on and to tell them they were
00:34:44 --> 00:34:48 wrong for whatever they did. What's going on
00:34:48 --> 00:34:50 for you, for them to actually talk about their
00:34:50 --> 00:34:53 own emotional experience in the middle of it,
00:34:53 --> 00:35:00 will break that cycle, the upset long enough
00:35:00 --> 00:35:05 to actually help you repair in the moment and
00:35:05 --> 00:35:10 then ultimately build that. relationship and
00:35:10 --> 00:35:13 now we'll take time for a commercial break welcome
00:35:13 --> 00:35:16 back you advocate for shifting away from the
00:35:16 --> 00:35:20 rigid framework of good versus bad parenting
00:35:20 --> 00:35:23 towards a simpler evaluation of what is working
00:35:23 --> 00:35:27 versus what is not working How can a mother who
00:35:27 --> 00:35:30 grew up in an environment where love was strictly
00:35:30 --> 00:35:34 tied to performance break her own cycle of hyper
00:35:34 --> 00:35:37 -evaluating her parental scoreboard at home?
00:35:38 --> 00:35:43 Yeah, so if you're, you know, having a thought
00:35:43 --> 00:35:45 like I'm a bad mom or something is, you know,
00:35:45 --> 00:35:52 absolutely in that perspective. of the child
00:35:52 --> 00:35:56 especially if performance was tied right to safety
00:35:56 --> 00:36:01 but to be able to get to a place of objectivity
00:36:01 --> 00:36:04 about what's going on is really really critical
00:36:04 --> 00:36:07 because otherwise you're kind of stuck in that
00:36:07 --> 00:36:13 emotional reactivity and uh the the tendency
00:36:13 --> 00:36:17 is going to be uh to say that okay i've done
00:36:17 --> 00:36:19 something wrong and that just you know kind of
00:36:19 --> 00:36:23 keeps you in those cycles of breakdown emotional
00:36:23 --> 00:36:25 reaction then there's going to be another one
00:36:25 --> 00:36:29 because there wasn't any repair done right so
00:36:29 --> 00:36:34 it really does come down to a matter of self
00:36:34 --> 00:36:37 -awareness there's no really other way around
00:36:37 --> 00:36:41 it but to be willing to take a look at what is
00:36:41 --> 00:36:45 going on within me what I like to the first thing
00:36:45 --> 00:36:50 that I explain to people is the survival patterns
00:36:50 --> 00:36:53 that they live by. The deeper work is the childhood
00:36:53 --> 00:36:58 vow. But I have a program where I reach people
00:36:58 --> 00:37:02 on the level of the survival patterns. And when
00:37:02 --> 00:37:06 they can start to see that they have a certain
00:37:06 --> 00:37:09 pattern, like walking on eggshells all the time
00:37:09 --> 00:37:11 around people because they don't want there to
00:37:11 --> 00:37:17 be any type of conflict or people pleasing. any
00:37:17 --> 00:37:20 of those types of behavioral patterns. And they're
00:37:20 --> 00:37:24 able to see that and then eventually go deeper
00:37:24 --> 00:37:28 and deeper. They will stop that. They won't be
00:37:28 --> 00:37:32 in that place anymore of, okay, I'm just a bad
00:37:32 --> 00:37:36 mom. They'll realize that it's just a clue, right?
00:37:36 --> 00:37:39 It's just what just happened is just a signal
00:37:39 --> 00:37:43 that there's something to take a look at here
00:37:43 --> 00:37:46 and something that needs healing. Given that
00:37:46 --> 00:37:49 emotional trauma can manifest physically, many
00:37:49 --> 00:37:53 people turn to sensory modalities. Can holistic
00:37:53 --> 00:37:56 tools like essential oils help deeply relieve
00:37:56 --> 00:37:59 or permanently clear the type of trauma that
00:37:59 --> 00:38:02 anchors itself to a physical injury, or does
00:38:02 --> 00:38:05 true clearing require a completely different
00:38:05 --> 00:38:10 mechanism? I would say that all of those alternative
00:38:10 --> 00:38:16 therapies are excellent for dealing with the
00:38:16 --> 00:38:19 physical manifestation of the trauma. But when
00:38:19 --> 00:38:23 you're talking about permanent clearing, it's
00:38:23 --> 00:38:25 going to be important to literally get to the
00:38:25 --> 00:38:30 body memory, to get to what's in there. David
00:38:30 --> 00:38:33 called it emptying the cup. If you're familiar
00:38:33 --> 00:38:35 with the story of the master who's pouring the
00:38:35 --> 00:38:39 tea and the would -be student says he's talking
00:38:39 --> 00:38:42 about all these things that he knows. and the
00:38:42 --> 00:38:44 master keeps pouring the tea until it overflows,
00:38:44 --> 00:38:47 and he says, Master, what's going on? My cup
00:38:47 --> 00:38:50 is already full. And the master says, So is your
00:38:50 --> 00:38:54 mind. I cannot teach you. And he said that if
00:38:54 --> 00:38:57 the body memory is already full of these decisions
00:38:57 --> 00:39:03 that we've made, we're going to have to empty
00:39:03 --> 00:39:05 that out, right? To do the work around that,
00:39:05 --> 00:39:09 there's the release work in order to let affirmations
00:39:09 --> 00:39:14 work, right? Or to get that massage or, you know,
00:39:14 --> 00:39:19 the somatic work to provide more than just temporary
00:39:19 --> 00:39:22 relief. David worked with a massage therapist
00:39:22 --> 00:39:26 a lot who told him that, yeah, people would talk
00:39:26 --> 00:39:28 about the same thing every time they massaged
00:39:28 --> 00:39:32 a certain point in their body. And that's because
00:39:32 --> 00:39:35 if you think back on the work of Dr. Candice
00:39:35 --> 00:39:39 Pert with the receptors, that if you think about
00:39:39 --> 00:39:41 the receptors and then if you think of the body
00:39:41 --> 00:39:45 and the chakra system in the body, David actually
00:39:45 --> 00:39:48 created a map after working with people for over
00:39:48 --> 00:39:52 30 years. He became very clear of how things
00:39:52 --> 00:39:58 show up physically. And I'll explain it to you.
00:39:59 --> 00:40:02 I have it in the book as well, and I go into
00:40:02 --> 00:40:06 more depth in this. But the right side is feminine.
00:40:06 --> 00:40:08 David didn't create this. He pulled together
00:40:08 --> 00:40:12 this information, and then he brought something
00:40:12 --> 00:40:15 unique out of that. But he brought, I'm not sure
00:40:15 --> 00:40:17 where this originates from, about the right side
00:40:17 --> 00:40:19 being feminine, I mean masculine, and the left
00:40:19 --> 00:40:22 side being feminine, where things present, like
00:40:22 --> 00:40:27 those little issues. But he pulled the map together
00:40:27 --> 00:40:31 based on that. And then through the work that
00:40:31 --> 00:40:34 he did, he realized that when people had issues
00:40:34 --> 00:40:37 with what's on say the front of their body, that
00:40:37 --> 00:40:40 their vows were about how they related to the
00:40:40 --> 00:40:44 world. And when it was in the back of the body,
00:40:44 --> 00:40:46 it was about how the world is relating to me.
00:40:47 --> 00:40:52 And then there was the energy, the chakra is
00:40:52 --> 00:40:54 in the body. Now, I can give you a quick example
00:40:54 --> 00:40:57 from my own life of where I created, where I
00:40:57 --> 00:41:01 held tension in my body was in my left scapula.
00:41:02 --> 00:41:05 That's the left side. It was about how a strong
00:41:05 --> 00:41:08 female was relating to me because it was in the
00:41:08 --> 00:41:12 back. And that scapula area is between the throat,
00:41:12 --> 00:41:15 the communication chakra and the heart chakra.
00:41:15 --> 00:41:18 and it was about how a powerful female in my
00:41:18 --> 00:41:20 life was communicating love to me that was how
00:41:20 --> 00:41:23 i decoded that tension based upon david's body
00:41:23 --> 00:41:27 map well that was my mom that was my adoptive
00:41:27 --> 00:41:30 mom who um bless her heart she was very loving
00:41:30 --> 00:41:34 very protective of me and as of course A child
00:41:34 --> 00:41:36 growing up, especially during my teen years,
00:41:36 --> 00:41:39 and here I am, like a lot of teens do, trying
00:41:39 --> 00:41:41 to figure out who I am separate from mom. She
00:41:41 --> 00:41:45 didn't allow that to happen. She was very emotionally
00:41:45 --> 00:41:47 enmeshed with me. And so it showed up literally
00:41:47 --> 00:41:52 in my body because it was difficult for me to
00:41:52 --> 00:41:55 deal with sometimes. Yeah, I've heard that sometimes
00:41:55 --> 00:41:58 when you have injuries, it's related to something
00:41:58 --> 00:42:01 like that as well. You're just prone to having
00:42:01 --> 00:42:04 injuries in certain areas because of these same
00:42:04 --> 00:42:07 things you were discussing. Yeah, I can tell
00:42:07 --> 00:42:10 a story on myself too. I actually have it in
00:42:10 --> 00:42:13 the book that I was facing a new assignment at
00:42:13 --> 00:42:17 work because during my big government career,
00:42:17 --> 00:42:20 I would take on different assignments. I'd stay
00:42:20 --> 00:42:23 in one place for anywhere from one and a half
00:42:23 --> 00:42:26 to three years and then I would move on right
00:42:26 --> 00:42:28 to something else and every time I move on it
00:42:28 --> 00:42:31 would be related to more responsibility maybe
00:42:31 --> 00:42:35 a promotion and I'd go back to that whole can
00:42:35 --> 00:42:38 I really do this job because I also dealt with
00:42:38 --> 00:42:42 some perfectionism in my in my being right and
00:42:42 --> 00:42:47 so I would find that I would stub my toe a lot
00:42:47 --> 00:42:51 of times I would just start beating up my feet.
00:42:51 --> 00:42:54 And in the book, I tell the story of how I opened
00:42:54 --> 00:42:58 up the freezer and we used to keep frozen like
00:42:58 --> 00:43:01 chicken broth in the freezer. And sometimes,
00:43:01 --> 00:43:04 you know, glass gets really slippery, right?
00:43:04 --> 00:43:07 It gets wet from condensation and it fell out,
00:43:07 --> 00:43:11 landed on my toe. And I write about how as I'm
00:43:11 --> 00:43:13 considering whether or not I should just use
00:43:13 --> 00:43:18 it to ice my toe, I'm thinking about how, oh,
00:43:18 --> 00:43:22 yeah, there's this new job. And of course, here
00:43:22 --> 00:43:27 I am just beating up my feet again. So I absolutely
00:43:27 --> 00:43:32 found that in my own life is it would. It would
00:43:32 --> 00:43:35 show up in my own body. Again, our body is our
00:43:35 --> 00:43:37 best friend. It never lies. And it's going to
00:43:37 --> 00:43:40 give you a lot of clues as to what's going on
00:43:40 --> 00:43:43 for you emotionally in your current life. And
00:43:43 --> 00:43:46 then, you know, telling you about what happened
00:43:46 --> 00:43:48 in the past that's impacting your current life.
00:43:49 --> 00:43:54 Yeah. There's even programs that help erase the
00:43:54 --> 00:43:56 memory of these things. I don't know how to do
00:43:56 --> 00:43:58 it, but I've heard people talk about it because,
00:43:58 --> 00:44:00 you know, I'm into energy work and stuff like
00:44:00 --> 00:44:05 that. Okay, let's see here. Your work spans across
00:44:05 --> 00:44:08 both personal healing and professional leadership.
00:44:08 --> 00:44:11 Can you break down how updating your subconscious
00:44:11 --> 00:44:14 operating system transforms both our internal
00:44:14 --> 00:44:18 family dynamics and our external career paths?
00:44:20 --> 00:44:25 Yes, so the childhood vows really do show up
00:44:25 --> 00:44:30 across our life. The patterns. that arise from
00:44:30 --> 00:44:34 these vows show up across our life. So when women
00:44:34 --> 00:44:38 come into my program and they're starting by
00:44:38 --> 00:44:41 working on themselves, the benefit, they might
00:44:41 --> 00:44:43 come in because they had some issue with their
00:44:43 --> 00:44:47 teen, but they leave with it benefiting their
00:44:47 --> 00:44:50 career and everything. Because, for example,
00:44:50 --> 00:44:55 if they have a, again, getting back since we've
00:44:55 --> 00:45:01 been talking about hiding, uh if they uh have
00:45:01 --> 00:45:03 a problem and i and actually i i can talk for
00:45:03 --> 00:45:06 myself and i'm not talking hypothetically then
00:45:06 --> 00:45:11 this literally happened to me where once um and
00:45:11 --> 00:45:13 you talked about what is that exact tipping point
00:45:13 --> 00:45:16 right and i think this was probably it when i
00:45:16 --> 00:45:20 thought through the fact that i had an issue
00:45:20 --> 00:45:24 with disciplining my kids when they were little
00:45:24 --> 00:45:27 and it was related to my voice again getting
00:45:27 --> 00:45:30 back to me hiding my voice and it was easy enough
00:45:30 --> 00:45:32 to allow my husband to do that but when I lost
00:45:32 --> 00:45:36 David I realized that well my kids were not going
00:45:36 --> 00:45:38 to be disciplined if I didn't figure this out
00:45:38 --> 00:45:41 pretty quickly so that was a strong motivation
00:45:41 --> 00:45:45 there and then of course there was the fact that
00:45:45 --> 00:45:49 I needed to use my voice to get his work out
00:45:49 --> 00:45:53 to the world and so women find this happening
00:45:53 --> 00:45:55 in their own life as well that it's showing up
00:45:55 --> 00:45:58 in this area and then I can find that it's going
00:45:58 --> 00:46:01 to help me in my career as well a lot of the
00:46:01 --> 00:46:04 women entrepreneurs that I work with have issues
00:46:04 --> 00:46:07 around hiding they want to be more visible because
00:46:07 --> 00:46:09 that's really important especially these days
00:46:09 --> 00:46:16 and so if they have vows around that or around
00:46:16 --> 00:46:24 just speaking with authority or even how much
00:46:24 --> 00:46:27 they want to charge right for their own value
00:46:27 --> 00:46:31 right and so it's all it's all connected and
00:46:31 --> 00:46:35 and the value across doing this work is that
00:46:35 --> 00:46:40 again once you come in whatever the pain point
00:46:40 --> 00:46:46 is Find, come into the work there and then take
00:46:46 --> 00:46:50 note of how it benefits across your life, even
00:46:50 --> 00:46:53 with finances, because we get a lot of messages
00:46:53 --> 00:46:58 growing up about money. And some people will
00:46:58 --> 00:47:02 come to the work because of living paycheck to
00:47:02 --> 00:47:04 paycheck. David used to talk about the greedy
00:47:04 --> 00:47:08 and the needy in the work. Like literally their
00:47:08 --> 00:47:11 childhood vows will keep you either. in crisis
00:47:11 --> 00:47:14 or in your comfort zone it's really one or the
00:47:14 --> 00:47:17 other and so you're going to come to look more
00:47:17 --> 00:47:20 deeply inside of yourself if you're always living
00:47:20 --> 00:47:22 paycheck to paycheck or you have a relationship
00:47:22 --> 00:47:26 where someone's not treating you with respect
00:47:26 --> 00:47:30 or you have a health issue other people come
00:47:30 --> 00:47:34 because everything seems to be okay but they
00:47:34 --> 00:47:37 know there's more They could earn more money.
00:47:37 --> 00:47:40 They could have the career they really want or
00:47:40 --> 00:47:44 just quit work and have their own business. They
00:47:44 --> 00:47:47 could be better. They could be healthier. But
00:47:47 --> 00:47:50 they can see it over there somewhere, but they
00:47:50 --> 00:47:53 can't bridge that gap until they've done that
00:47:53 --> 00:47:56 work of what's in their body memory and what's
00:47:56 --> 00:48:00 holding them back. For someone who grew up with
00:48:00 --> 00:48:02 a subconscious script telling them to stay hidden,
00:48:03 --> 00:48:06 stepping into the spotlight as a transformational
00:48:06 --> 00:48:09 speaker is a massive leap. Was that transition
00:48:09 --> 00:48:12 initially difficult for you, or did releasing
00:48:12 --> 00:48:15 your childhood vows make that pivot feel entirely
00:48:15 --> 00:48:21 natural? Yeah, it didn't feel unnatural, but
00:48:21 --> 00:48:26 it did certainly open up that possibility. See,
00:48:26 --> 00:48:31 when you, there's, one of the big, issues with
00:48:31 --> 00:48:35 childhood vows is they not only drive our behavior
00:48:35 --> 00:48:39 and what we do probably most importantly they'll
00:48:39 --> 00:48:42 drive what we won't do the risks we won't take
00:48:42 --> 00:48:46 literally childhood vows can begin with the words
00:48:46 --> 00:48:52 I won't or I can't so for me it was more like
00:48:52 --> 00:48:57 because I was hiding made me safe it was like
00:48:57 --> 00:49:01 I won't I can remember being thrilled when the
00:49:01 --> 00:49:05 first radio interview that david was on i remember
00:49:05 --> 00:49:07 thinking to myself thank god i don't have to
00:49:07 --> 00:49:10 do that oh he sounds so articulate there's no
00:49:10 --> 00:49:13 way i'd be able you know i was just so happy
00:49:13 --> 00:49:19 in my support role and so when i was able to
00:49:19 --> 00:49:23 do that work i was able to get the i won't and
00:49:23 --> 00:49:26 i can't out of the way but then there is still
00:49:26 --> 00:49:31 moving into that role, right, being able to do.
00:49:31 --> 00:49:34 So it's sort of like another level, but you've
00:49:34 --> 00:49:37 got to do that deep work to even open up the
00:49:37 --> 00:49:42 possibility and to allow yourself to learn and
00:49:42 --> 00:49:46 integrate what you need to get better and better
00:49:46 --> 00:49:50 at doing something. I still, of course, I'll
00:49:50 --> 00:49:55 get a little nervous before I talk. But then
00:49:55 --> 00:49:59 I'm fine. I settle in and I'm fine once I'm in
00:49:59 --> 00:50:02 the middle of it. And I'm not saying that I do
00:50:02 --> 00:50:05 everything completely. I'm the best speaker in
00:50:05 --> 00:50:08 the world. And it's something I continue to improve.
00:50:08 --> 00:50:11 So I want your listeners to understand that it
00:50:11 --> 00:50:15 really is a journey and that we do keep pulling,
00:50:15 --> 00:50:17 you know, just peeling back that onion and we
00:50:17 --> 00:50:19 should never stop. We should never feel like,
00:50:19 --> 00:50:22 okay, I've taken care of everything and I don't
00:50:22 --> 00:50:25 need to do anymore. Self -awareness or healing
00:50:25 --> 00:50:28 works. What else would you like to share with
00:50:28 --> 00:50:31 our listeners today? That really was it. I was
00:50:31 --> 00:50:33 thinking to myself, that's the message I want
00:50:33 --> 00:50:37 people to get. It's a good message. Yeah. You
00:50:37 --> 00:50:41 know, and then I usually. Tell people I want
00:50:41 --> 00:50:44 them to look, turn within, right? Always look
00:50:44 --> 00:50:46 for answers within. To resist the temptation
00:50:46 --> 00:50:51 to blame circumstances, events, conditions outside
00:50:51 --> 00:50:55 of yourself. Because that puts you in the role
00:50:55 --> 00:50:57 of a victim. And that's not where you want to
00:50:57 --> 00:51:01 be. The point of power is always, you know, what's
00:51:01 --> 00:51:04 within. And then, of course, what I just said
00:51:04 --> 00:51:06 is then never stop, right? There's always going
00:51:06 --> 00:51:10 to be more. You can always go deeper. And if
00:51:10 --> 00:51:12 you look at that in contrast, like the deeper
00:51:12 --> 00:51:17 you go, probably the further you can go in the
00:51:17 --> 00:51:20 external, right? The closer to your dreams you're
00:51:20 --> 00:51:23 going to be able to get. Yeah. Oh, that's great.
00:51:24 --> 00:51:27 How shall people connect with you? Well, I have
00:51:27 --> 00:51:31 a website where I connect to everything. There's
00:51:31 --> 00:51:34 a link to everything that I do and that those
00:51:34 --> 00:51:36 links might go to other places that give you
00:51:36 --> 00:51:40 a deeper explanation. But everything is there
00:51:40 --> 00:51:44 in my website, KathySohn .com. And I'll spell
00:51:44 --> 00:51:46 it because it's not intuitive spelling. It's
00:51:46 --> 00:51:54 K -A -T -H -I -S -O -H -N .com. And you can find
00:51:54 --> 00:51:59 information about my book and my programs. And
00:51:59 --> 00:52:01 I also have a link to my speaker website. I'm
00:52:01 --> 00:52:04 always looking for opportunities to speak. And
00:52:04 --> 00:52:10 I welcome those as well. And Kathy offers a free
00:52:10 --> 00:52:13 chapter to her book, which I will share with
00:52:13 --> 00:52:16 you in the description section to read. You can
00:52:16 --> 00:52:18 view this episode on many platforms. Thank you
00:52:18 --> 00:52:21 so much, Kathy. Thank you, Ida. It was great
00:52:21 --> 00:52:27 being here with you. This interview focuses strictly
00:52:27 --> 00:52:30 on Kathy Sohn's personal journey, support for
00:52:30 --> 00:52:33 mothers and generational healing. Kathy Sohn
00:52:33 --> 00:52:37 operates within the United States. The information,
00:52:37 --> 00:52:39 products, programs, and methodologies discussed
00:52:39 --> 00:52:42 in this interview are not governed, evaluated,
00:52:43 --> 00:52:46 or approved by Health Canada, nor are they intended
00:52:46 --> 00:52:49 to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any medical
00:52:49 --> 00:52:53 or psychological conditions. All content is provided
00:52:53 --> 00:52:57 for informational and educational purposes only.
00:52:59 --> 00:53:01 Thank you for tuning in to Where Science Meets
00:53:01 --> 00:53:05 Self -Care with Ida Fennelly. Ida bridges clinical
00:53:05 --> 00:53:08 science with holistic wisdom, guiding you toward
00:53:08 --> 00:53:12 radiant skin, balanced energy, and lasting well
00:53:12 --> 00:53:15 -being. Don't forget to subscribe, share the
00:53:15 --> 00:53:18 show, and join us next time for more inspiration
00:53:18 --> 00:53:22 and practical tools to help you live beautifully
00:53:22 --> 00:53:26 inside and out. To connect with Ida, visit linktr.ee
00:53:26 --> 00:53:31 ./idafanelli. Until then, take good care of yourself.
00:53:31 --> 00:53:35 And remember, self -care is where science and
00:53:35 --> 00:53:36 soul meet.