Success is not always additive. Add more effort. Add more output. Add more commitments. Add more you.
That's the high-performer trap. But what if the real unlock is subtraction?
In this episode of Is Anything Real?, Adam W. Barney sits down with longtime friend Nell Derick Debevoise, also known as Nell3D, creator of the 100-Day Subtract to Succeed Practice, for a conversation about systematic subtraction, pro-zilience, caregiving, over-efforting, success, leadership, and why “try harder” is sometimes the most expensive advice in the world.
Nell’s work is a daily permission slip to stop worshiping more and start building a life that actually holds. This conversation is not about quitting life, lowering ambition, or pretending hard things are not hard. It is about subtracting what is fake so the real work can actually breathe.
Nell’s TEDx talk, “Subtract to Succeed: The Case for Doing Less,” also just went live: a perfect companion to this episode’s conversation about systematic subtraction, pro-zilience, caregiving, and why success isn’t always additive.
Adam and Nell explore the invisible weight high performers carry: unhelpful thinking, rumination, fake urgency, performative productivity, objectiveless meetings, content backlog shame, other people’s imagined expectations, and the belief that one more push will finally create the calm week that never comes.
They also unpack pro-zilience, Nell’s alternative to the usual resilience story. Instead of just bouncing back to where you were, pro-zilience asks what it would mean to grow forward through disruption: becoming more grounded, more honest, and more capable because of what life demanded.
The caregiving thread makes this episode especially human. When life gets loud, subtraction stops being a productivity hack and becomes survival-grade leadership. Caregiving, illness, family needs, work, ambition, and real life do not operate in neat straight lines. Your life is not linear. It is a system.
And if the system is overloaded, no amount of motivation can fix it.
In this episode:
- Why success is not always additive
- Why high performers over-effort
- Why “try harder” can become expensive advice
- What systematic subtraction actually means
- Why unhelpful thinking has a double cost
- How to tell the difference between reflection and rumination
- Why resilience can accidentally blame individuals for system problems
- What pro-zilience means
- Why caregiving makes subtraction non-negotiable
- Why objectiveless meetings are a good place to start
- How relationships, wealth, content, and leadership collect unnecessary noise
- Why success must feel good, not just look good
- Why content backlog shame is a very modern form of suffering
- How to run a simple subtraction practice
- Why life is three-dimensional, not linear
The big takeaway: Your life is the system.
Subtract what’s fake. Keep what’s human. Build what compounds.
Guest: Nell Derick Debevoise
Nell3D + Creator of the 100-Day Subtract to Succeed Practice
Watch Nell’s TEDx talk, “Subtract to Succeed: The Case for Doing Less”: https://youtu.be/bzRp2sQQNGc
Website: https://www.nell3d.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nell3d/
Email: nell@nell3d.com
Host: Adam W. Barney
Transition Leadership Coach
Author of Make Your Own Glass Half Full
Creator of EnergyOS
👉 Book your 20-min Exploration Call: https://calendly.com/adamwbarney/explorationplugin-20min
Subscribe to Is Anything Real?: https://isanythingreal.adamwbarney.com/
00:00:05
Here's a myth that's quietly wrecking high performers.
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Success is additive.
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Add more effort, add more output,
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add more commitments, add more you.
00:00:15
But what if the real unlock is subtraction?
00:00:18
Not quitting life,
00:00:19
but removing the fake weight
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that's riding shotgun in your brain.
00:00:23
Today we're going to talk through
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subtraction, resilience, caregiving,
00:00:28
and why try harder is
00:00:29
sometimes the most expensive advice in the world.
00:00:32
Welcome back to "Is Anything Real?",
00:00:34
the reality-first leadership show,
00:00:36
where we test advice,
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publish the receipts,
00:00:38
and ship what works under constraint.
00:00:40
I'm Adam W. Barney,
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transition leadership coach,
00:00:42
author of Make Your Own Glass Half Full,
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and the guy currently running a household
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that could qualify as constant, controlled chaos.
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Today's guest is Nell Derick Debevoise Dewey,
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a.k.a., Nell3d,
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a longtime friend of mine,
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a sharp mind,
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and the creator of
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the 100-Day Subtract to Succeed Practice
00:01:03
over on Substack.
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Nell's work is basically a daily permission slip
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to stop worshiping more
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and start building a life that actually holds.
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Nell, welcome to the show.
00:01:14
Thank you so much, Adam.
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It's great to be here.
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I'm pumped to have you here.
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Okay, let's give it to our listeners straight.
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What's the most tempting thing to subtract right now?
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Is it meetings?
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Is it email?
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Or could it even simply be other people's expectations?
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It's maybe a blend of all those,
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especially the last.
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I really point people toward unhelpful thinking.
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We've all got it,
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it doesn't show up on any to-do list or calendar.
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So it's really insidious, and it has this, like, double cost.
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Right?
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Because while we're doing the unhelpful thinking,
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we're not thinking about, like,
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something creative or beautiful or uplifting.
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And then there's this hangover to the negativity
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that really sucks our energy.
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So yeah, whether it's like,
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shoot, is this the right outfit?
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Or like, did I say the right thing?
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Is there something I could have done to keep that contract?
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Right?
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All that rumination.
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I am not against reflection,
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to be very clear.
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I think you and I share that,
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we're deeply self-reflective people,
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and we encourage our clients and colleagues to self-reflect.
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And we all know, if we're being honest,
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when reflection flips over into unhelpful ruminations.
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Mmmh, mmh.
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So I remember now you once actually called me
00:02:33
a star student and pro-zilience.
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I'm still not sure if that's a compliment or a diagnosis.
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Can you explain maybe
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a little bit of what that means, actually?
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It's definitely a compliment.
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Adam, you, I mean,
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a household that could be described as controlled chaos.
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You are just a heroic partner and father,
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all alongside this incredible, prolific career that you have.
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So hats off to you.
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It was certainly a compliment.
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And you know, pro-zilience
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is something that I like to refer to
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in place of resilience.
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Right.
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I think there's a bunch of problems with resilience.
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There's nothing inherently wrong with it, right.
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So much of our subtraction
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is just cutting the wheat from the chaff.
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Resilience is a fine idea in and of itself.
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And I think sometimes it ends up being a way
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to shift blame for systematic problems onto individuals.
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And I'm not a big fan of that.
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But what we're talking about here is the shift to pro-zilience,
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right?
00:03:31
And so if you have
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any study of Latin or just SAT words,
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you probably remember
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re is back, and pro is forward, right?
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And so instead of being zilient, right,
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bouncing back to where we were before, like,
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we go through this chaos.
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And then like, whoooh.
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We get it together and fall back into our seat.
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What if we go through all this chaos,
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and manage a household,
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and illness, and family,
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and challenge, and traffic, and work
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and learn from it to grow forward,
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and to become a better coach,
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and a more grounded human,
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and a more loving partner.
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That's the magic of prozilience,
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and that's what I was complimenting you for.
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I love it here.
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And you know, I guess, coming out of that, you know,
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start us off, you know,
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what's the biggest lie smart people tell themselves
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right before they over-effort?
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Great question.
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And that's really what it comes down to,
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you know, we tell ourselves,
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and it is echoed by society.
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Right?
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So limit the self-blame here.
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That, you know, just that one little more thing, right?
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If I just proofread this one more time,
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it'll get really solid or, you know,
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if I did that executive program
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and had that qualification,
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I bet I'd get the promotion.
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Or I just, I need.
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I've been doing all these stretch projects,
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but I haven't done one in that department.
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That's what it'll take.
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I mean, part of it can even get simpler,
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I would say.
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Right?
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About, if I just push through this week,
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for instance,
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or once I catch up,
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I'll breathe.
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Or this is just the season.
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And I think the spoiler there is,
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it's always the season
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if you're saying that.
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But it's also the mythical week
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where nothing happens.
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It's the unicorn week.
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It's the vacation that's scheduled for 2039.
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But, you know, let's name it.
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The myth here is that success comes from adding more.
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And, you know, whether it's more,
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the goals, the output,
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the hustle, the tools,
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the content, the optimization.
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I think you and I both would agree
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it's more pain dressed up as discipline.
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And the truth is that,
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and I know you believe this with what you do,
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success is built by subtraction.
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But, you know, I would love you to define subtraction
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like an operator and not like a quote graphic
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that we might have up on our wall.
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But what are we actually subtracting when we do this work?
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Yeah.
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So I want to qualify it as, you know,
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the full term I refer to as systematic subtraction.
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And so this isn't kind of a simple,
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less is more, rigid boundaries,
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like time blocks and blinders,
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which, again,
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nothing inherently problematic with those things.
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But for high performers
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with families they love and personal ambitions,
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we can't necessarily do that.
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Right.
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It's not about kind of rigidly opting out and dropping balls.
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Right.
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So subtraction is about releasing things.
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1%.
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I'm not disagreeing with your second-grade math teacher.
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This dramatic part, though,
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is what I think differentiates this a bit,
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and what I really encourage people to lean into.
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And the idea here is, you know,
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taking a systems thinking lens,
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which is a beautiful whole school of thought and theory,
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if people want to nerd out and go deep, you can.
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But the simple idea is that everything we do all day
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is connected to other things in our lives.
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Right?
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Right.
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And I mean, that gets into, you know,
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people looking at performative productivity,
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fake urgency, rather.
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I think we all live in so much noise, right?
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Especially when we're in complex situations of life.
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But you don't need to subtract the ambition there.
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But, but you know, to zero in a little bit more,
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even, you know,
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what's the difference between subtraction, rather,
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and just avoidance?
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You know, ignoring the equation.
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So that's the systematic part, right.
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Is the dot connecting?
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So as an operator, right.
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Let's look at your calendar.
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What's happening this week?
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In a given meeting, like, okay,
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there's the meeting, right.
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And hopefully it has an objective and an agenda,
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which, by the way, a lot of meetings these days do not.
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So that's a good place to start.
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Subtract objectiveless meetings
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that just pop up because they're recurring.
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Right.
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But the systematic part is, you know,
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who's there,
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and why are we getting them together,
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and what else are they doing later in the day,
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and what is their pressure and timeline to make a decision?
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And does this meeting help
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or slow that down,
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or prevent an, you know, present a barrier?
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What about for me?
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What does that mean for my family obligations?
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What does that mean for my energy?
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What time of day is it?
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Is that a pro or a con?
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Right.
00:08:24
So it's not just kind of redlining things,
00:08:27
it's zooming out and taking a minute
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to be really thoughtful about
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what might I let go of,
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as an experiment,
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not as a permanent embargo
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or a lifelong commitment,
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but what might I experiment with letting go of.
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And how does that ripple to the other people
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and efforts and activities
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in the system that is my life.
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Right, right, right.
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You know, most people don't have a time problem,
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which I think a lot of people classify it,
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they have a meaning problem.
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They're over-efforting to protect themselves
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or to make them feel safe.
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Right.
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You know, I, I also will go back to prosilience because,
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you know, you called it that by, you know,
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not just bouncing back,
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but improving because of the shocks there.
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And you know, let's go there.
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Caregiving, illness, real life,
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when life gets loud, I've actually seen,
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and I think you've seen that
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subtraction becomes actually a non-negotiable.
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Yeah, completely.
00:09:27
You know, I think it's why we often remind leaders
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that family caregivers,
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whoever they're caring for,
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are really desirable workers
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because they know what actually matters.
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Right.
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And so, in a noisy world where,
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any role today, I mean, you know,
00:09:48
the AI complicates it to some extent,
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but in some ways even worse.
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You could fill your week with 100 hours of work,
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you could fill your week with 200 hours of work
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through the depth of research,
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the depth of partnership,
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the depth of refinement
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and you know,
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and so someone who has a vital,
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maybe existential concern
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to help set those priorities
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and sort out what actually matters
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and moves the needle
00:10:20
is a real professional skill at this point.
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Right, right.
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And I mean, you know, subtraction, I think,
00:10:27
looks different when you can't opt out of the hard thing.
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I think that, you know, caregiving actually
00:10:32
destroys a lot of those beliefs instantly
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when it comes to control, predictability.
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And it changes when you when you
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enter that survival mode,
00:10:42
is what I would argue it is.
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And you know, I think everyone listening,
00:10:46
and I myself love, you know, hearing a good life hack.
00:10:49
But caregiving, I would argue, is the ultimate anti-hack.
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It's just the reality that you need to sit in.
00:10:55
Yeah, I think that's absolutely true.
00:10:58
You know, now one of my favorite other things
00:11:00
that you've said is,
00:11:01
we're not subtracting wealth or relationships here.
00:11:04
We're actually subtracting what I would call
00:11:08
the BS that's piled on top of perfectly good concepts.
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What are some examples there, you know,
00:11:16
where that maybe goes, you know,
00:11:17
back on what we were just saying?
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Is it relationships, maybe,
00:11:20
versus relationships as image management,
00:11:23
or leadership, as performative leadership?
00:11:27
Yep, totally.
00:11:28
So in relationships, you know, I think it's those false.
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You named it really early.
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Those false expectations
00:11:34
that we think someone thinks we should X.
00:11:38
Right.
00:11:38
Like, that's a horrible way to move through the world.
00:11:41
Because first of all, they probably don't,
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if it's not a realistic expectation,
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and they do think that,
00:11:48
then let's clear it up so that you're not disappointed.
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I'm not overworked, and you're not disappointed.
00:11:52
Right.
00:11:53
But there's so much of that.
00:11:54
A really fun post
00:11:55
that got a ton of attention was, like,
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what if we subtracted other people
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and we don't actually want or have the option
00:12:02
to subtract other people.
00:12:03
Right.
00:12:04
They are an inevitable part of our work,
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thank goodness.
00:12:07
But there is so much noise there about
00:12:10
what they think we think,
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what they should, we should, you know,
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and so to get clearer and more direct
00:12:17
in those relationships
00:12:18
is a gift to everybody involved.
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You know, wealth, a little bit of Jason here,
00:12:24
but professionals have wealth
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and need to be smart about it.
00:12:27
So, subtract the silence
00:12:28
is what I've been talking a lot about just this month.
00:12:31
You know, like,
00:12:32
it's not helpful to not be willing to talk about wealth,
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which is simply a means of exchange.
00:12:39
Like salt got too heavy to carry around
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and trade for vegetables and houses.
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And so we created money.
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That's all it is.
00:12:48
It's not magic.
00:12:49
It doesn't create power.
00:12:50
It doesn't make you better or worse.
00:12:52
And yet there's this hush, hush.
00:12:54
You know, we're both in New England,
00:12:55
of course, it kind of peaks up here.
00:12:58
But yeah, so you're exactly right.
00:13:00
It's, you know, there's nothing wrong with money
00:13:02
or wealth, or power, or relationships,
00:13:05
but we do have some piled-on nonsense that doesn't help.
00:13:10
I mean, would you even say that,
00:13:12
from looking at money specifically?
00:13:14
Is that a status symbol you'd like to delete from society,
00:13:18
or is it simply talking about it
00:13:20
and maybe using it differently?
00:13:22
I just want to.
00:13:23
Right.
00:13:23
Size it.
00:13:24
You know, it's one of our primary symbols of value
00:13:28
in the professional world right now.
00:13:31
You know,
00:13:32
obviously we share a real commitment to purpose,
00:13:34
and legacy, and changing people's lives,
00:13:37
which is also a currency.
00:13:39
And money is what, in some ways,
00:13:42
makes the world go round.
00:13:44
And it's an expensive life these days.
00:13:46
Whether you're caregiving,
00:13:48
or exploring
00:13:49
or trying to buy health care,
00:13:51
you know, these are all expensive endeavors.
00:13:53
And so there's nothing wrong
00:13:54
with capturing some of the value you create
00:13:57
in the form of money
00:13:58
and being proud of that
00:14:00
and then deploying it really strategically
00:14:02
to have great experiences,
00:14:04
to learn more,
00:14:05
to make family safe,
00:14:06
to have impact.
00:14:08
These are all great ideas
00:14:09
and worth doing,
00:14:10
and worth celebrating.
00:14:13
I just think that it's become too one-dimensional.
00:14:15
That that is our net worth,
00:14:17
is our number amount in the bank.
00:14:20
All right.
00:14:22
You know, what would you say, Nell, is one thing, let's say,
00:14:26
that you believed about success at 25,
00:14:29
that you now want to fight in a parking lot
00:14:33
or, you know, by the bar, for instance.
00:14:38
Love a good bar fight.
00:14:42
You know, I think it's this, like,
00:14:46
again, to your allusion earlier that, like,
00:14:49
it will arrive.
00:14:53
You know, that like,
00:14:54
well, I'm doing all these things,
00:14:56
all the right things,
00:14:57
I'm working hard,
00:14:58
I'm getting all these degrees.
00:14:59
I'm changing people's lives
00:15:01
and building a family.
00:15:03
And then one day it'll like,
00:15:06
knock on the door
00:15:09
and present me a certificate
00:15:11
or a life-size gold star or something.
00:15:16
And, you know, in retrospect that feels silly.
00:15:18
I'm like, would my 25-year-old self really have said that?
00:15:21
And I don't think she would have really said that,
00:15:25
but I think that was kind of the sense
00:15:28
that I and my peers lived with
00:15:31
and moved according to.
00:15:33
And then you know, 21 years later it's like, well, no.
00:15:38
You know, it's success then,
00:15:40
and success now,
00:15:42
and success in 10 years,
00:15:43
and next week,
00:15:44
and all of them will look really different.
00:15:47
None of them come with a knock on the door and a certificate.
00:15:52
And increasingly, I understand that they can,
00:15:56
and for me, must,
00:15:58
feel good, not just look good.
00:16:01
That's valuable.
00:16:03
Okay, I'm going to go to a little honest place here
00:16:06
where I am,
00:16:07
and I think this is probably
00:16:08
one of the most modern forms of suffering.
00:16:11
Let's talk about content backlog shame.
00:16:15
You want to talk about subtraction?
00:16:17
I've got a backlog of recorded episodes.
00:16:20
I've had that problem for a while,
00:16:21
and I keep thinking,
00:16:22
should I use this for SEO?
00:16:24
Should I use it for clips?
00:16:26
Should I just push the transcripts out there?
00:16:28
And suddenly,
00:16:29
I'm running a media company that I didn't consent to.
00:16:33
You know, how does that feel with,
00:16:35
I know everything you're building,
00:16:37
and subtraction,
00:16:38
with even the pressure of a Substack
00:16:41
and needing to deliver there,
00:16:43
and avoiding over-efforting,
00:16:45
and falling onto that weekly topic treadmill?
00:16:48
Yeah, it's a great question
00:16:50
and I totally appreciate the honesty.
00:16:52
You know, for me,
00:16:53
so I think the bottom line
00:16:54
is the same as what we're talking about
00:16:56
with relationships or wealth.
00:16:58
Subtracting the BS.
00:16:59
There's nothing wrong with relationships,
00:17:00
nothing wrong with wealth,
00:17:01
nothing wrong with great content.
00:17:03
Right.
00:17:03
Very valuable,
00:17:04
and a driver to your core business,
00:17:06
which is being a coach,
00:17:08
not a media company.
00:17:09
So nothing wrong with it.
00:17:11
The subtraction is: where is it over-efforting?
00:17:15
Where is it wagging the dog?
00:17:17
And so I went through this very, you know,
00:17:19
I had that created this 100-day practice, like,
00:17:21
sort of walked into it,
00:17:23
like not totally doing the math
00:17:24
of what that would look like.
00:17:26
And thank God I did.
00:17:28
And you know, I guess probably three weeks in,
00:17:32
so not very far, right?
00:17:34
20ish days, a fifth of,
00:17:36
20% of the way in,
00:17:37
I was like, oh, the weekly topic whiplash is real.
00:17:45
And I talked to some clients and audience members
00:17:49
and they were like, that one was so juicy.
00:17:52
I'm like, just barely wrapping my head around it.
00:17:55
And now we're on Mars.
00:17:57
You know, it's a totally different topic this week.
00:18:00
And so it's like, oh, right,
00:18:02
a topic like wealth gets a whole month.
00:18:04
It's not a week of topic, it's a month.
00:18:07
Right.
00:18:07
And so there will be
00:18:08
three topics over these hundred days, not ten.
00:18:12
And so, I just let it go, right?
00:18:14
I let go of the fact that, like,
00:18:16
I've started this cadence.
00:18:18
They're expecting it.
00:18:20
No.
00:18:21
New game.
00:18:22
I announced it.
00:18:23
We're shifting to monthly,
00:18:24
and played that out.
00:18:26
Right.
00:18:26
And so now it's okay, week one,
00:18:27
we announced the topic,
00:18:28
then we go through the three Ds.
00:18:29
There's a me,
00:18:30
and there's a we,
00:18:31
and there's a world lens on that topic.
00:18:32
And, Adam, it's been great.
00:18:34
I mean, I could slow down even more in some way.
00:18:37
Right?
00:18:37
But, like, I'm not a wealth expert.
00:18:40
I'm talking about subtraction in wealth.
00:18:41
And so that's a month,
00:18:42
and then we move on.
00:18:45
So I think it's just about, you know,
00:18:47
separating the wheat from the chaff
00:18:49
and understanding what is my business,
00:18:51
who am I here to serve,
00:18:53
to collect some of that value in the form of cash,
00:18:58
to have a company and viable life,
00:19:00
and raise and support a family
00:19:02
and what supports that, you know.
00:19:05
And for me, the practice of every day,
00:19:09
having a little nudge,
00:19:12
is really powerful for me.
00:19:14
And it's coming back.
00:19:15
It's serving people in the community,
00:19:17
and in turn,
00:19:18
building the community,
00:19:19
which serves my needs as an author,
00:19:21
you know, trying to sell a book.
00:19:24
So that has been the subtraction.
00:19:27
It's just like, w
00:19:28
hat's really the point of all of it,
00:19:30
and what adds, and what's realistic?
00:19:32
And then, you know, I definitely batch, right?
00:19:34
I've gotten down to where it's about three hours
00:19:37
to create the week coming ahead.
00:19:39
Go through it every morning to kind of
00:19:41
know where people are hearing me that day.
00:19:44
But no shame about the backlog.
00:19:46
Like, subtract the shame.
00:19:48
First of all, full circle.
00:19:49
That's the unhelpful thinking, Adam,
00:19:51
is the shame.
00:19:51
Let it go.
00:19:52
You've created some great stuff.
00:19:53
You'll get it out when it's out
00:19:55
when it serves the real purpose.
00:19:56
I mean, I'm just joking here.
00:19:59
When I say nothing says inner peace,
00:20:01
like having, you know, 78 recorded episodes
00:20:03
or 50 newsletters sitting in your can
00:20:06
looking at you like unpaid interns.
00:20:09
Right?
00:20:10
And I mean, I think, you know,
00:20:12
what you just were talking about, you know,
00:20:14
gets into subtracting, maybe,
00:20:16
having a deeper understanding
00:20:18
of what gets published versus what gets released.
00:20:21
Or how do you, you know,
00:20:23
prevent creation from becoming just another addiction?
00:20:27
Because I think there is a dopamine feed there for sure.
00:20:31
Let's give listeners some receipts.
00:20:33
When someone starts subtracting well,
00:20:36
what actually changes?
00:20:37
Yeah, and maybe let's get specific.
00:20:39
Is it about even sleep,
00:20:41
or is it less resentment?
00:20:44
Where does it head?
00:20:45
Yeah, you know, I will speak primarily just for myself
00:20:49
because it's the case study
00:20:50
that I've seen most up close and personal
00:20:53
for the last,
00:20:54
call it, like, 18 months
00:20:55
that this has really been a commitment.
00:21:00
And what I see in the outside world,
00:21:04
which to me is the best receipt.
00:21:05
Right.
00:21:05
Because I can tell you how I'm feeling or sleeping.
00:21:07
But all of these openings and wins are coming my way
00:21:21
at a rate that was not happening before.
00:21:25
Mmhm.
00:21:27
And so, you know,
00:21:28
whether it's like,
00:21:29
the person I was thinking of calling
00:21:32
or an email coming in for what I was hoping for,
00:21:35
or the TED invitation sort of dropping into my lap
00:21:38
after like a few false starts,
00:21:41
and scrambles. and hustles
00:21:42
to strategize the TED,
00:21:44
and then it's just like,
00:21:45
oh, here's the perfect one.
00:21:47
Right.
00:21:48
You know, and so I think, you know,
00:21:50
it's not at all to make it like a manifest.
00:21:53
You know, just sit back and subtract
00:21:55
and picture the wins
00:21:56
and they'll drop in your lap.
00:21:58
But, I really take that as powerful evidence
00:22:01
of the fact that I am doing what matters,
00:22:04
what moves the needle.
00:22:06
And so I don't feel harried.
00:22:11
I'm probably working 20% fewer hours a week
00:22:15
than I was a year ago at this time.
00:22:18
That's power right there.
00:22:19
Yeah.
00:22:20
You know, and so I'm walking the dogs a bit more.
00:22:23
I'm back in touch with some friends that I wasn't.
00:22:25
I'm able to manage the bandwidth of private, you know,
00:22:28
household transactions that are happening.
00:22:30
My stepson's wedding and, you know,
00:22:31
buying a house.
00:22:33
So I think that's really the evidence
00:22:36
that has been most gratifying to me is like,
00:22:40
the world, my world, is responding by seeing this focus.
00:22:45
Right.
00:22:45
And that's the other piece I would say is just, speaking of content.
00:22:49
Right.
00:22:50
The narrower focus on, like,
00:22:52
I'm really just talking about subtraction.
00:22:55
And it comes in lots of flavors
00:22:56
on lots of themes with lots of examples.
00:22:58
But I'm the subtraction person now.
00:23:00
And so that subtraction to subtraction
00:23:04
has been building momentum in a really juicy way.
00:23:07
I mean, I'm gonna bring this down and say that, you know,
00:23:10
there's a really quick, probably 15-minute way
00:23:13
that listeners can run this week.
00:23:14
Obviously, they can head to your Substack to find this as well.
00:23:18
But it doesn't have to be complicated.
00:23:20
Right.
00:23:20
It could be as simple as opening a note,
00:23:22
putting three columns on it.
00:23:24
One being for what drains you.
00:23:27
Second being for what distorts your thinking.
00:23:29
Is it doom-scrolling, comparison, perfection loops?
00:23:33
And then the third column being what I think is like, defer.
00:23:36
Right?
00:23:37
What can you keep postponing
00:23:38
that would actually reduce some of the pressure?
00:23:41
And I have a lot of friends who talk about healthier men at work
00:23:46
asking for help simplifying a system,
00:23:49
having the conversation, you know,
00:23:51
and then maybe circle one item from each column,
00:23:54
pick one subtraction in the next seven days
00:23:57
and then pick one replacement.
00:23:59
Because you know, simplification, you know,
00:24:02
could really help.
00:24:04
Whether it's replacing late-night email
00:24:07
with a shutdown ritual,
00:24:08
or maybe just replacing trying harder,
00:24:13
as a generalization,
00:24:14
with a 15-minute focused planning block.
00:24:16
Right.
00:24:18
And what I would, the tidbit that I would add
00:24:20
to that really solid, practical step
00:24:24
is when you do the replacement, make it 3D.
00:24:29
Right.
00:24:29
So do a quick scan of me.
00:24:32
How's it really going
00:24:33
for my physical, mental, intellectual, spiritual well-being?
00:24:36
We, my team and my family,
00:24:38
personal and professional we.
00:24:40
And world.
00:24:41
Some little, narrow personal you version of impact
00:24:44
that you want to have
00:24:45
on the communities you're part of,
00:24:47
and don't just replace the latest fad
00:24:50
or what you saw in your Instagram scroll last about balance,
00:24:54
or what your boss told you you should be doing, right?
00:24:57
Really think 3D about which dimension of life
00:25:01
needs a little more love
00:25:03
and do something that serves that.
00:25:06
Yeah.
00:25:06
Nell, after everything we just talked about,
00:25:08
is anything real
00:25:09
in terms of leadership
00:25:10
would be where I would probably end this with a bow.
00:25:14
So the real thing that,
00:25:15
I was thinking about this as prepping for today,
00:25:17
you know, whatever.
00:25:18
Like, what's real is that our life is 3D.
00:25:22
We are part of a system.
00:25:25
What's not real is the industrial era,
00:25:28
linear,
00:25:28
this, then, that thinking.
00:25:32
And so, as soon as we accept the reality of being in a system,
00:25:36
it's complex, it's multifaceted, we can't control it.
00:25:40
But it's real.
00:25:42
And as soon as you accept that,
00:25:44
the possibilities are endless.
00:25:45
Right.
00:25:46
I view it as: what's real is your life is the system.
00:25:51
If the system is overloaded,
00:25:52
no amount of motivation can fix it.
00:25:55
And it's about subtracting what's fake,
00:25:57
keeping what's human,
00:25:58
and building what compounds.
00:25:59
But now, where can people find
00:26:01
the Subtract to Succeed practice,
00:26:03
and your work here?
00:26:04
Yeah.
00:26:05
So Subtract to Succeed is on Substack.
00:26:07
I'll make sure that you have the guest pass
00:26:09
so people get 90 days free.
00:26:11
The paywalled version has the practice,
00:26:12
the daily practice,
00:26:13
as well as a mini course.
00:26:15
And I would love to play with people there
00:26:17
to learn more about it.
00:26:19
Nell3d.com
00:26:20
is my kind of homepage.
00:26:22
All the references are there as well.
00:26:23
And we'll, of course, link to all that in the show notes below.
00:26:26
But now, thank you.
00:26:28
And listeners, if this episode hit you,
00:26:30
send it to one high performer
00:26:32
who's treating burnout like a badge.
00:26:34
And if you're leading through a change
00:26:36
and want that reality first reset,
00:26:38
there's a clarity call with me linked in the show notes.
00:26:41
No pitch, just space to get honest and choose the next move.
00:26:44
But until next time,
00:26:45
proof over performance,
00:26:46
and ship what works.
00:26:48
Nell, thanks for joining today.
00:26:49
Thank you so much, Adam.
00:26:50
Take good care.