The Power of Surrender: The Missing Element in Modern Leadership- W. Bruce Cameron

[00:00:00] Hey guys, Corey Poirier here. Welcome to BluTalks and I hope you enjoy this video.

[00:00:29] Hi guys, I'm jazzed to be here. It's humbling really to be speaking about success in Harvard University,

[00:00:43] which is, it's very bones are built on its pursuit of success. So, most of my life, and really all of my career,

[00:01:01] I thought that success came from holding on. Holding on to certainty. Holding on to plans and to goals. Holding on to control. And then life taught me differently. Several years ago, my wife of 25 years decided to leave.

[00:01:31] We just moved to a new state, a new city, a new job. And I found myself starting over. Alone. And then I lost my job.

[00:01:50] So, two kids. Two dogs. Two mortgages. A mountain of debt. And a life that I no longer recognized. So, I'm driving one day. And on the radio comes, Jesus take the wheel. So, I pull into a park. And I brake.

[00:02:18] I was overwhelmed with loss. And I was terrified of the life that I could no longer see. I've since changed that breaking. And I look at it differently now. And I call it my day of surrender.

[00:02:44] And what I've learned is that surrender is a paradox. Because it's not really giving up. It's actually accepting reality as it is. So that you can discover what you might be. I recently wrote and published a book called Fragments to Freedom. And it opens with this man in a field at the base of a mountain.

[00:03:14] And he has no identity. He has no past. He doesn't know his name, where he's come from, or where he's going. And he can stay there. And maybe somebody will come and save him. Or he can take a step.

[00:03:34] And actually, the book turns on that very choice. And after I finished writing it, I realized something. That fictional character was actually me. The only difference was my field was a park.

[00:03:58] And sooner or later, we are all in our own field. You know, it's one that we don't choose. It can be a loss. It can be a diagnosis. It can be a disappointment, a rejection. But all of us at that moment ask the same question.

[00:04:29] What now? And I realized when I was sitting in that park that I wasn't just reacting to the situation that I was in. I was carrying the emotional weight of years into that situation.

[00:04:55] You see, I think most of us carry this invisible backpack. And within it, we put the stones of emotions from experiences that we just haven't fully resolved yet. And I wonder what you guys might be carrying in your backpack.

[00:05:23] Fear? Rejection? Loss? A few stones are fine. Right? We don't even notice them. Right? But then, life turns on us again and it hands us another disappointment. Another loss. Another rejection. And eventually, we wonder why we feel so exhausted.

[00:05:53] And the problem is that what we face today is not always the issue. It's those stones that we carry from the past into today. And that led me to create what I call emotional residue.

[00:06:18] And it is those emotions from experiences that we just haven't quite fully resolved yet. And I learned this. You can't carry everything up the mountain. And that's really what surrender is.

[00:06:46] It's not weakness. It's not giving up. It's simply deciding that something is too heavy to carry any further. And so you put it down. In my book, the man begins with nothing.

[00:07:05] And as he's going through his journey, he begins to discover what he thought of as loss might actually be freedom. Because when we stop carrying everything we've been, we create space. And so we're lighter. And the backpack is less full. We can move again.

[00:07:35] But that's not the whole journey. Because then the next question becomes, what do I choose to carry? And that led me to develop a practice I call emotional stacking. Most of us can define emotions.

[00:08:00] But lives don't change on the definition of emotions. Lives are transformed by the emotions we feel about those. Gratitude isn't a word. Gratitude is a feeling. Compassion. It's not a definition. It's a feeling. Trust. It's not an idea. It's a feeling.

[00:08:31] And love. It's not an idea. It's an experience. It's an experience. Lives don't change when we define them, those words. They're transformed through feeling those experiences. And just as fear compounds, so can gratitude. So can compassion. So can kindness.

[00:09:01] So can love. One emotional experience building on the next. One emotional experience building on the next. And I didn't fully realize what I'd stumbled upon until one Christmas. I was helping a young foster boy. And we volunteered to help people experiencing homelessness one Christmas morning.

[00:09:30] He didn't initially want to go. But we found ourselves gravitating to this old man in a wheelchair. And as we walked with this man down the line and he'd pick out things that he wanted, you know, that he needed. And I found that this young boy started pushing the wheelchair.

[00:09:56] And then the man would point to things, socks and gloves and a hat and underwear and toiletries. And the boy would go and get them. And he'd show them to the man and the man would nod and then he'd put him in the backpack for him. And I watched as they started talking. And then they started sharing stories. And then they started laughing.

[00:10:24] And I realized I wasn't just watching a young foster boy and an old homeless man. I was watching two people walking in their field. One young man wondering where he belonged. And one old gentleman who somewhere along his journey had forgotten where he belonged.

[00:10:51] They were different ages, different circumstances. But they were asking a lot of the same questions. Am I enough? Do I matter? Will it get better? Will anybody see me? Am I loved? And I watched as the attention shifted.

[00:11:20] And for a few minutes, they weren't centered on themselves. They were actually centered on the other. And I watched as the boy's resistance to being there disappeared. And it was replaced with curiosity and compassion and connection. Even joy.

[00:11:50] And I realized something important. Transformation rarely begins when our circumstances change. Transformation happens when what we choose to carry changes. And I witnessed this young man setting part of his backpack down.

[00:12:16] And he replaced it, the things in it, with gratitude. With purpose. And even with love. One positive emotion creating space for the next positive emotion.

[00:12:43] One intentional choice leading to the next. Until an entirely new experience evolves. And this is what heart led leadership. This is where it begins. Because it's the evolution of leadership. It's not authority. It's not title. It's not position.

[00:13:13] It's the willingness of one human being seeing another human being. And underneath, asking the same questions. We all have the same fears. And we're all searching for the same things. Love. Connection. Purpose. Belonging. Hope.

[00:13:40] And the man in Fragments to Freedom. The book. When he reaches the summit. He stands there in awe and in gratitude. Because the first time, he can see clearly. He can see the valley below him. He can see the mountain behind him. And he can see the beauty all around him. And he stands there.

[00:14:06] And he thinks about the courage that it took to start. He thinks about the persistence. That it took to continue. And he thinks. About. The trust. And the faith that it took. To take the step on the path. When he couldn't even see where the path was going. And at that point.

[00:14:36] He wonders. Well, do I really need to go back and find the life I lived? Or can I start here? You see, and it sounds like. Well, this might be a great end to the book. But there's really another journey that he has to take. That journey. Back to humanity. And so he descends the mountain. And he walks into a town.

[00:15:06] And in the town, there's a diner. And he opens the door. And he goes into the diner. And something unexpected happens. There's a young girl that comes up. And she offers him some of her fries. And the people that are in the diner. They welcome this stranger. With kindness. And they don't know him. And he understands now. What the mountain couldn't teach him. You see, the summit taught him.

[00:15:35] You're enough. What the diner taught him. Was he belongs. And we're all searching. For the same things. Not just the courage. To be ourselves. But the courage to share ourselves. Not simply independence. Community.

[00:16:05] Not simply freedom. But belonging. And at the end of the story, there's a voice. That talks to him. And it doesn't tell him what to do. It doesn't tell him where to go. It simply reminds him of the gift that he already possessed. Choice. And it whispers to him. I give you choices.

[00:16:34] He can continue searching for the life that he once had. Or he can begin where he is. With what he's learned. He can think about everything that he's become. And maybe everything he truly needs. And he has a simple answer to the voice. Thank you.

[00:17:05] Not because he has all the answers. Not even that the journey is over. But he finally understands. For most of my life. And virtually all of my career. I thought that success. Came from holding on. And now. I realize that freedom comes from letting go. The success of our lives. Depends.

[00:17:35] Much less. On the circumstances in which we find ourselves. And instead. Much more on what we choose to carry. And freedom comes. The moment we decide. Thank you.

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