From Betrayal to Self-Love- Peggy Ebring

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[00:00:25] Hey guys, Corey Poirier here. Welcome to Bluetalks and I hope you enjoy this video.

[00:00:59] Raise your hand if, after a breakup, you've ever thought, I wish them well. Well away from me, well served by karma, and well, good luck to the next person who has to deal with them.

[00:01:19] It's not love and light, I know. But when you're in pain, anger can speak very loudly. I know that because I've been there. A few years ago, I ended a relationship after discovering several betrayals. And despite the fact that I was the one who actually ended the relationship, I completely fell apart.

[00:01:47] I would wake up in the middle of the night with my eyes swollen as if I'd been crying during my sleep. I cried for days, for weeks. I also felt so much anger. Anger like I had never felt before. I remember sitting on my sofa and feeling these waves of anger rising up to my head.

[00:02:16] My jaws would tense and the pressure inside my head would get so intense that it would give me headaches. It got so bad that my body started reacting. I had chronic stomach pain. I was waking up once, sometimes twice in the middle of the night. And after about two months, I was so drained, so exhausted, that I thought, I can't keep living like this.

[00:02:44] This pain is slowly killing me. I need to get out of this pain. And that's when, instead of asking, why did it of this to me? I started asking, why am I in so much pain? Yes, it's cheated on me. But the suffering I'm experiencing is way too big, way too intense. What is going on?

[00:03:11] When I looked deeper into it, I actually realized that this betrayal had awakened something much older. An old wound, an old story from my childhood. And the story was basically that I wasn't good enough for my dad to love me. And this is actually something that I've been carrying for a long time since childhood.

[00:03:39] I actually grew up thinking my dad didn't love me. I interpreted his lack of hugs and his strict ways of raising us as a lack of love. And also a story I was told when I was a child had strengthened that perception.

[00:04:04] So when my elder sister was born, my dad celebrated with champagne at the hospital. When I was born, the champagne bottle stayed sealed when he discovered a second girl. He wanted a boy. My dad wanted a boy.

[00:04:28] And my child's mind actually concluded something very painful about that. I shouldn't have been born. And I will never be good enough for my dad to love me because I will never be a boy. So it was a deep wound in my child's heart.

[00:04:53] And suddenly, that's when things started to make sense. I understood why I was in so much pain. I wasn't just grieving a relationship. I was relieving an old wound. You see, when we're in a relationship, the love that we receive can act like a bandage on our wounds. So we don't feel them that much.

[00:05:23] But when the relationship ends, it is as if that bandage is being ripped off. And everything becomes raw and painful again. So that's why it's actually so painful. That breakup actually told me something that I changed the way I see breakups. A breakup doesn't just break your heart.

[00:05:51] It exposes what was never healed in you. And that realization actually left me with a choice. I could keep entertaining my limiting story, the story that I wasn't good enough to be loved. Or I could decide to drop it and replace it with a more supportive one.

[00:06:17] So what if this breakup, this betrayal, were not the proof that I'm not good enough to be loved, but rather an indication that some parts of me needed healing? And what if your breakups are not the proof that you're not good enough or not worthy of love,

[00:06:45] but an invitation for you to finally heal the part of you that believe you're not? Within a breakup often lies a calling. A calling to drop a limiting story and even sometimes a limiting identity.

[00:07:10] Some breakups actually invite us to drop parts of our identity that do not serve our growth. I call that identity printing. Just like printing a tree enables it to grow healthier. A few years ago, I'd kept professional relationship, professional connection with one of my exes.

[00:07:37] And a few months after we broke up, I was supposed to participate into one of his events. And two days before the event, we had an argument and he kicked me out of the event. And I thought, typical, I know where this is going. It was very familiar because I'd recognize a pattern that often occurred during our relationships when we were together.

[00:08:08] So, the pattern would be roughly that one. There would be an argument. He would get very angry and cut off contact, either by walking away or telling me the relationship was over. Then, he would come back to me once he has calmed down and say, let's keep going. Let's continue. Then, I would swallow my feelings and say, okay.

[00:08:36] So, basically, when he kicked me out of the event, I thought, he's going to come back to me. I know what is coming. He's going to apologize. And, indeed, he did come back to me and ask me to participate in the event.

[00:08:54] And, as I was about once again to swallow my feelings and do not say anything and say, okay, something inside me woke up. And I paused. And I thought, how come I'm in the same kind of situation, same kind of pattern, even though we're not even together anymore?

[00:09:25] That was a good start. But something better was coming. And I kept thinking about it. And I started wondering, how am I co-creating this pattern? And, most importantly, what benefit does my ego get from entertaining this pattern?

[00:09:53] It's a difficult question, the one that doesn't make you feel very good. But it is very important. And when I thought about it, I eventually admitted that I did get a benefit from it. And the benefit was to reinforce, validate an identity. The identity of the good girl. You know which one I'm talking about, right?

[00:10:22] The one who has internalized the command, be a good girl, don't make waves, shut up and do as you're told. So, when I realized that, I thought, okay, it's time for me to reconsider who I am. I actually connected to my heart and realized that I didn't even feel like going to that event. I had accepted out of conditioning.

[00:10:51] And because I thought, okay, that's what mature people do. But actually, that was BS. Mature people follow and honor their truth. So, that day, I decided to decline his offer to participate into his event. And most importantly, I decided to drop the identity of the good girl.

[00:11:22] And I chose me. I chose me in my truth. I chose me in my authenticity. I chose me in my ability to say no to what doesn't serve me. And you see, by saying no to the good girl, I was able to say yes to a new Peggy. The Peggy who traveled during two months in Vietnam.

[00:11:48] The Peggy who dared to say yes to co-offering a book with Lisa Nichols. The Peggy which is here today at the University of Miami sharing that message with you. So, actually, that breakup wasn't just inviting me to let go of an identity. Let go of a relationship. It was asking me to let go of an identity.

[00:12:18] Because, you know, when you have the courage to say no, to drop a limiting identity, you open yourself to a new destiny. And that's when I started traveling and experiencing life in a different way. So, really, what I wanted to share with you is that a breakup is not meant to break you.

[00:12:48] And so, maybe your breakups are actually the end of a story with somebody, but actually the beginning of a new story, a new story of you. A new you. A more true you. A more authentic you. And most importantly, a more free you. Breakups are not meant to break us, but to help us break free.

[00:13:18] Thank you.

[00:13:19] This podcast is a part of the C-Suite Radio Network.

[00:14:23] For more top business podcasts, visit c-suiteradio.com.